Path: uuwest!control.spies.com!spies!sgiblab!munnari.oz.au!metro!socs.uts.edu.au!syzygy!axolotl
From: axolotl@socs.uts.edu.au (Iain Sinclair)
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Subject: 26 of the best -- alt.tasteless '92
Message-ID: 
Date: 13 Nov 92 02:19:15 GMT
Sender: news@socs.uts.edu.au
Reply-To: axolotl@socs.uts.edu.au
Organization: University of Technology, Sydney
Lines: 1014

Here's some articles from my alt.tasteless archives.  For some reason
I categorised them into:  "anecdote", "prank", "tasteless fact", and
"art" (includes original writing).

I deleted some stuff (indicated by [...]), for brevity (I don't have
unlimited disk space).  These are just some of the ones I liked personally.
Your newsreader might be able to split this article as a digest.

Enjoy, and may the best man/woman/disfigured psuedohermaphrodite win!



From: bediger@isis.cs.du.edu (Bruce Ediger)
Subject: The Trouble With Wimmen
Date: Thu, 2 Jan 92 00:31:32 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: anecdote

I just had dinner and a long talk with my ex-girlfriend, Kimberly.  Apparently
she has just had a very bad dating experience.  Some guy that
she found very attractive asked her out.  That date went very well: the
traditional good first date, according to her account.  On the second date
she decided that she would have sex with "attractive guy".  Sometime during
the Physical Act of Luv, she noticed that "attractive guy" had cleverly removed
the condom he initially had on.  Spurt-spurt-spurt, "attractive guy" comes
in her.

Now she's all bent out of shape: she's not on the pill, so there's a fair to
middling pregnancy chance.  "Attractive guy" is quite promiscuous, and
apparently bisexual, so she thinks that she might be getting AIDS.

So I asked her if I could fuck her in the butt, since it wouldn't matter anyway.

From: 2frjscabby@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Subject: 3 grossest sex stories
Date: 20 Jan 92 17:52:16 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: anecdote

A friend of mine once shared his three most disgusting sex stories with me.

[...]

2)  It seems my friend was getting a head job in his dorm room.  He came 
without warning in his "girlfriend's" mouth and she looked around for a 
place to spit it out.  She grabbed a 7UP can off the desk and spit into
it.  A bit later (you probably see this coming) his roomate came back 
and went to finish his half-drank 7UP.  Upon first drink, he immediatly
puked come vomit all over the room.

3)  My friend was mashing with a girl in a dark bedroom.  He got her shirt 
off and maneuvered down to suck her tits.  After sucking on her nipple for 
a minute he tasted some liquid in his mouth.  Surpised, he flipped on the
light.  Turns out he wasn't sucking her nipple at all---IT WAS A BOIL!!!!

[...]

From: tgee@alfred.carleton.ca (Travis Gee)
Subject: dick in urinal
Date: Wed, 4 Mar 1992 05:39:22 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: prank

  This from a buddy whose father was there... in a med school in the late 50's
the following prank is reputed to have been 'pulled' (pun apparent later).
After finishing up with their cadaver, several med students removed the dick
and smuggled it out of the dissection room.  Late that night, at the pub, one
of the guys went into the men's room (which was quite busy) with the dick in
his pocket.  He went up to a free urinal and stood there a few moments.  
Suddenly he stepped back, and (dead dick in hand) made a ripping motion, said
in a loud voice "THIS DAMN THING *NEVER* WORKS!!!" and hurled the fleshy bit
into the urinal.  Needless to say, the vomit flowed.
  Two decades later.......son of said doctor had his brain stolen (well, *his*
cadaver's brain at the University of Western Ontario).  I turned up two days
later in the large salad bowl of the main cafeteria.  It was apparently a 
lovely centerpiece, with some spoon-shaped bits missing when it was finally
recognized as cortex rather than cauliflower.

From: isds22013010@memstvx1.memst.edu
Subject: Emergency Room
Date: 24 Apr 92 23:46:35 -0600
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: anecdote

   This story was told to me by my girlfriend.  It seems her 
sister used to work in the emergency room here in Memphis Tn.
One night an elderly woman came in complaining of "woman"
problems of some sort.
 
   After they examined her, they found a twenty-ounce sweet 
potatoe complete with about six or seven feet worth of vines
that had sprouted in her cunt.  It was so foul and rotten
that the doctors and nurses could hardly stand to remove it.
(Sorry no GIFs...)
 
   Another night, a wino came in because he was constipated.
They gave him some laxative, and told him to wait for a couple
of hours.  The bum got tired of waiting and went into the bathroom
and returned four or five minutes later covered in blood and shit.
Evidently, he tried to remove his turd with a plastic hospital
spoon.
 
   Gosh, suddenly I'm hungry for sweet potatoe pie and maybe some
choclate ice cream and ketchup....
 
Later...
-J.D.  (The Lynch Man)

From: rigler@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (Otto Slugworth)
Subject: Re: penises
Date: 25 Apr 92 02:36:18 GMT
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.tasteless
Summary: anecdote

[...]

There are several documented cases of men coming to emergency rooms to have 
Barbie Dolls [tm] removed from their rectums.  ('Rectum?  Damn near killed
'em!--sorry).  It seems they were inserted head first with the arms angled
downwards (BIG MISTAKE!!!!).

All of these men claimed that their daughters had carelessly left the dolls 
in the bathtub and blah blah blah... ('Yeah, in the bathtub...that's the 
ticket...')

Next time I'll tell you all about men who insert glass rods up their 
urethras and accidentally break them.  

BTW: I don't want anyone to get the impression that these topics are of 
     any interest to me whatsoever.  *Ugh*  Disgusting!  *shivver*

[...]

From: pet@mullian.ee.mu.OZ.AU (paul eng-yi tan)
Subject: Killed Herself While Doing an Exam (true)
Date: Tue, 30 Jun 1992 00:39:10 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: anecdote

I heard a story from my friend's sister. It's supposed to be true.
In the Geelong Grammar Yr 12 Accounting exam, one girl apparently
couldn't take it any longer. She stuck the point of two pencils up
her nostrils and slammed her face against the table, with all the
examiners and other students looking on. Pretty gruesome eh?

[...]

From: skrishna@cocoa-pebbles.ai.mit.edu (Sarath Krishnaswamy)
Subject: Biting the hand that feeds you
Date: 17 Aug 92 16:59:21 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: anecdote

Just saw an article tacked to my girlfriend's bulletin board about a
paraplegic who'd been hospitalized with "major foot injuries".  Seemed
he'd recently found a cute little stray puppy and, being a Sensitive Kind
Of Guy, took the darling little thing into his home, where it would romp
happily about his legs as he watched TV.

Unfortunately, it seemed that at some point the aforementioned C.L.S. puppy
found an open sore on the guy's foot and started licking.  And then started
chowing down.  Since said S.K.O. Guy was a paraplegic he of course had no
idea what was going on until his wife "...  saw blood on the puppy's nose,
followed the trail to my bed, and freaked out."  The bottom of his foot had
been "...chewed down to the bone, from heel to toe."

Ain't puppies cute when they're little?



Sarath.

[...]

From: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller)
Subject: ]
Subject: Two short newspaper articles
Date: Fri, 07 Feb 92 12:29:42   Y
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: tasteless fact

I found these last week in the 'World in Brief' section of our local newspaper
here in Wellington, "The Dominion" (definitely not a tabloid newspaper).
From the 'World in Brief' section...

RAPE REVIVES WOMAN
A YOUNG Romanian woman, 18, whom doctors had declared to be clinically
dead regained consciousness as she was being raped on a slab by a
mortuary attendant, Bucharest press said yesterday.  Her parents said
they would not press charges because their "daughter owed her life to
him".

(I wonder how many other bodies received similar treatment from him :-)

BABY'S TOES BITTEN OFF
AN 11-year-old Denver girl left to babysit her three-week-old sister bit
off two of the infant's toes and part of her ear.  Doctors were unable
to reattach the toes.  The children's mother told police the older girl
brought her the crying baby and one of the toes within minutes of being
asked to watch the baby.


From: ustai@memstvx1.memst.edu
Subject: Re: You want TASTELESS? - You got it.
Date: 9 Mar 92 09:59:59 -0600
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: tasteless fact

[...]

        Ripleys says that there was one beheaded chicken that lived for quite a
bit. The owner fed it with a syringe. Charged an entry fee to see it too. 

[...]

From: dipirro@star.dec.com (Steve DiPirro)
Subject: Dr. Smiley-Face
Date: 18 Mar 92 21:25:22 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: tasteless fact

From USA Today, March 11, 1992

                Top Burn Doctor Under New Probe

        The chief of staff at one of the USA's most famous burn hospitals is
under investigation again for using a surgical marker to draw "happy faces"
on patients' body parts.
        Officials at the Shriners Burns Institute in Cincinnati said the state
chapter of the American College of Surgeons will investigate Glenn Warden's
drawings on the penises of two patients and on the upper abdomen of a woman.

...[other stuff deleted]...

        In another incident last spring, Warden apologized to the staff and was
suspended a week for placing his initials on the skull of a severely burned
9-month-old infant during surgery.

[...]

From: andyw@teal.csn.org (Andy Watson)
Subject: Cultural Relativism Gone Too Far
Date: Fri, 20 Mar 1992 06:32:03 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: tasteless fact

I am told this day by a business associate recently returned
from Indonesia that village women there publicly suckle babies
at the breast, often with a *pig* [an actual farm animal]
on the other tit. And if the woman has _two_ children to
breastfeed, the pig gets priority, the logic being that a pig
is more valuable to the woman and her family.

[...]

From: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano)
Subject: Re: Head survival time after decapitation
Date: 22 Apr 92 22:34:55 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.science,alt.religion.kibology,alt.tastless
Summary: tasteless fact

 from:
A History of Brain, Head, and Body Transplants

1887 -- French scientists attach the heads of executed prisoners fresh
from the guillotine onto the bodies of large dogs.  The heads do not
respond.

1912 -- Russian scientists kept a severed dog head alive for several 
hours with an artificial circulation machine.  In later years, Russian
scientist Fladimir Demikhov transplanted the front half of one dog 
onto the body of a German shepherd, a feat that Dr. White has called 
"beautiful, a tremendous accomplishment."  The pain-crazed dog halves
kept attacking each other and had to be killed.  Dr. White had admitted
doing many similar experiments (parabiosis).

1964 -- Dr. David Gilboe, University of Wisconsin, decapitated 15 dogs
and kept the heads alive with mechanical pumps.  By this time, Dr.
White had removed the brains from many monkeys and kept them alive
with machines.  The brains exhibited electrical activity and absorbed
oxygen and glucose, indicating they were alive.  Dr. White claims there
is no pain involved.  Other medical experts have disagreed, since the
pain and fear felt by the living brain can't be estimated, and the
normal defense mechanism of "fainting" under stress by cutting the
blood supply off is denied to the isolated brain by its attachment to
circulating machines.

1965 -- Dr. White removed the brain of a dog and implanted it in
the neck of another dog, where it remained alive for some period of
time.

1970 -- Dr. White transplanted the entire head of one monkey onto the
neck of another one, which lived for 24 hours.

1971 -- Dr. White begins to transplant the heads of monkeys onto the
decapitated bodies of other monkeys, connecting the jugular and carotid
arteries.  The spinal cord cannot be connected, so the head and body
are both paralyzed.  The bodies/heads lived for up to two weeks.

1973 -- Dr. White drained the blood from a tiny monkey, refrigerated the
head for an hour, then pumped the blood back in.  According to medical
expert Hans Reusch, this little creature existed in great pain 
afterward.  Dr. White has said that the pain and suffering of lab animals
used in experiments have no relevance.

1980 -- White's appearance on European TV, doing experiments on an
injured, terrified, restrained small monkey causes an uproar among
viewers.

1977,1984 -- Dr. White declares himself ready to transplant human heads.

in:
XYY Magazine, Standard X Press, 82 Kimball Ave., Yonkers, NY  10704
required reading

AjD
...because the Disumbrationist Institute cares.

From: mokry@kickapoo.ctr.columbia.edu (Robert Mokry)
Subject: Dungeons & Torture
Date: Sat, 11 Jul 1992 07:28:42 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: tasteless fact

The following is from _Born_in_Blood:_The_Lost_Secrets_of_Freemasonry_
by John J. Robinson (published by M.Evans & Company / New York).
Reproduced without permission.


[...]

With few or no sanitary provisions, and no air circulation, the stench
would be almost three-dimensional.  In purpose-built dungeons, a drain
was provided for the urine, excrement, vomit, and blood.  This gave
the French the opportunity to develop a Gallic refinement called the
"oubliette."  The oubliette was a small pit or chamber just beneath
the heavy iron sewer-drain cover in the floor.  Into this chamber was
put any prisoner who was unusually unruly, incorrigible, or destined
for particular degradation.  With a cell too small (and too deep) to
lie in, the wretched man had to sit or kneel in the half-full drain
pit, which was constantly replenished by the filth of his fellow
prisoners.  

[...]

So many members and servants of the Templars were arrested in France
that they had to be distributed to dozens of locations, many of which
had not been designed as prisons.  This must have placed a strain on
the number of complex instruments of torture available, so that some
improvisations were called for, the simplest of which were charcoal
fires and hot irons.  Since friars and priests were generally
forbidden to spill blood, a number of devices had been developed to
enable them to convey exquisite agony without breaking the skin.  One
of these was a device with two iron bands, widely spaced behind the
calf, and a screw that was turned to apply pressure at the front
between the braces, breaking the shinbone.  A common and easily rigged
device was a box frame around the leg.  Boards were placed between the
frame and the leg and wedges driven between them with mallets.  By
this means, deliberate local pressure could be applied to break the
bones of the foot, the ankle, the knee, and the legbones between.

The hot iron might be applied anywhere on the body, including the
genitals, and sometimes was used in the form of pincers, to nip away
pieces of flesh with the red-hot jaws automatically sealing and
cauterizing the wounds.  Cold pincers were used to pull out the
fingernails and teeth of some of the Templars, with tooth sockets
probed to add to the pain.

[...]

From: muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au (Murray Chapman)
Subject: Re: I fell down in my shower (was Re: sick lyrics)
Date: 21 Sep 92 06:28:02 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: tasteless fact

Man appears at the ER of a large hospital, wearing an overcoat, and holding a
bag in front of him.  Doctor eventually coaxes him to drop to bag, to reveal
a two-day old cat corpse impaled on this guy's schlong.  Apparrently, the cat
died while he was grunting into it, and went all hard around his knob.  As
anyone who has been in this situation will know, it's impossible to lose your
erection when this happens.

Anyway, this guy wasn't brave enough to cut away the corpse, and the only reason
he was at the hospital was that Fluffy was starting to *smell*.

From: weemba@sagi.wistar.upenn.edu (Matthew P Wiener)
Subject: Ferret Legging
Date: 4 Nov 92 19:56:48 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: tasteless fact

The Nov 92 HARPER'S, contains an excerpt of a Feb/Mar 83 OUTSIDE
article, now being republished in OUT OF THE NOOSPERE.  It's about
the "sport" of ferret legging, which consists of sticking two
hungry ferrets down your pants legs, and seeing how long you last.
No underwear, no jackstrop.  The ankles are tied shut.  Your belt
is pulled tight.  The pants should be loose enough that the animals
can change legs.  No filing of teeth.  You and the ferrets must be
sober.  You are allowed to try, from outside the pants, to knock
the ferret off of whatever it has grabbed onto.

As of 1972, the world record was 40 seconds.  The 60 second mark
was broken a few years later.  The current [83] record?  5 hours,
26 minutes, by one Reg Mellor, aged 72, of Yorkshire.  A small
excerpt of the excerpt:

         "Come on, Reg," I said. "Do they bite your--you know?"

         "Do they!" he thundered with irritation as he pulled
       up his pants. "Why, I've had 'em hangin' from me tool
       for hours an' hours an' hours! Two at a time--one on
       each side. I been swelled up big as that!" Reg pointed
       to a five-pound can of instant coffee.

Anyway, it's certainly recommended reading, as is page 25.
-- 
-Matthew P Wiener (weemba@sagi.wistar.upenn.edu)

From: rl103465@cs.tut.fi (Rauli Lauhanen OH1MKS)
Subject: Finnish TV-policy ( Was: blood and guts )
Date: 5 Feb 92 20:34:45 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: art

[...]

 Say that Again !!! Just last Sunday I watched One serie from Telly
( Channel 2 , national network of Finnish goverment - Not Cable-Tv..)
It was called "Hero" , and It was a story of a young boy. This program
was produced by "Children & youth's TV Department", and according to
program info, it was aimed for children.

 Tasteless things happened:

    One Group Of terrorist attack, while President is Opening New
bridge. A security-man kills shoot them with Submachine gun, and
finally Kill's them one by one, By SHOOTING TO THEIR NECK
with a revolver - beautiful close-ups  

    President Get arrested

    That boy - Hero was kissing his girlfriend, and clutching her
breast, when he syas "AUTCH !!  your tit bite me !!!" Girl took one
Gerbil ( This film didn't feature Richard Gere ! ) from under her
shirt, and tells that "This is my Gerbil, Max. I used to have another
one, called Moriz, Ya know - Max and Moriz, But I had to give Her
away, because these two rascals were always fucking under my shirt,
and made a terrible mess every time....."

  as told - this program was aimed for kids !!

Also things worth mentioning from Finnish TV and Film-policy:

  On 9-o-clock news, a lil time ago there was a shot of a Finnish
Video-artist "Teemu M{ki" . One of his "Masterpieces" were shown:
5 min extract of how this guy was torturing a cat to death, while
simultaneusly wanking. Of course these Born-again-beleivers with no
balls and friends were not friends of good entertaiment, so they had
blanked one corner of screen, and added a text into that space, saying:
 "The Artist is masturbating..." Wheeee !!! 
In the interwiew he said, that this film was filmed "To show the evilness 
of the world" Teemu M{ki has also filmed several other "Art-films" - like
one where one dynamic Youppie is talking in Cellular-phone -
simultaneusly holding hie foot at the Bumber of BMW, suddendly gets
his clothes of, and starts FUCKING - Yes, Fucking His BMW, by sticking
his cock into BMW's exhaust-pipe ( Or should I say - Sexhaust-pipe..)
, and moans - start wanking, and shoots his cum over the car.
beutiful, poetic, and - Very authentic !!!!

  Best thing is about to come. Even worried mothers phoned to YLE due
that Cat-torturing, He received a big amount of money from TV- and
Video board of Finnish Goverment, and Is still receiving. Well - Maybe
they just think that He's an artist, worth economical help...

[...]

From: jeroen@cs.few.eur.nl (Jeroen Thur)
Subject: Re: Grosser than gross
Date: 27 Jan 92 20:53:41 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: art

Here in Holland, 2 men (Waardenburgh & de Jong) were spitting at each other
in one of their theatre-shows. They began with spitting in the pocket of the
opponent's shirt and every time they tried to get the most green big juicy goob
they could produce and eventually they would be spitting in each other's face
and after sucking the goob of their cheeks (very slowly) they would spit it
right back.

It was not a show to watch with your best clothes on...

[...]

From: case@diku.dk (Steven Snedker)
Subject: 3rd Copenhagen Film Festival
Date: 15 Jun 92 10:34:27 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless,rec.arts.movies
Summary: art

This saturday I had the pleasure of attending a part of the 3rd Copenhagen
Film and Video festival. This annual festival was as usual dedicated to 'the
subversive', and featured many fine films, that I definately would have seen had
I not been an abused  wage slave with too much work and too little fun etc. etc.
Anyway, the films I managed to see were:


Mistress of the Rings (Steen Schapiro, Denmark 1992)

A fine documentary on piercing. We get to see all the piercings found in the
Pierce FAQ. Highlights include a girl with 20 rings in the set of lips, she
probably doesn't use when she's kissing her granny, a man with a septum piercing
large enough for a finger to be thrusted through, a live nipple piercing
(female, nice tits) and a live Prince Albert. Various accounts of male genital
piercings had led me to believe that the amout of blood would be incredible, but
although the needle was horribly large not much blood was oozing out the glans
of the happy young punk. Nonetheless a lot of the assembled males groaned. I was
a bit dissapointed that the film wasn't as exploitative as I had wished for. But
at least the pierce shots were clear, and the sight of a big gleaming guiche can
make anybody happy. **                             (On a scale from * to ****)


Stigmata -The Transfigured Body (Leslie Asako Gladsjo, USA 1990)

More piercing stuff, this time a bit more exploitative. Dreary politically
correct lesbo bodyart speeches with cuts to interesting piercings. The tape
broke down halfway through the showing, so it never really got anywhere. **


Leeches and Fleeches (Barbara Thiel, Germany 198?)

Arty farty drag of people having fun with leeches. Also features the meaningless
carving of wounds in the body. The footage of birds high on a mountain in the
Alps doesn't give much in way of a clue. Lousy cinematography, shaky camera,
rough editing and all the usual 'subversive' 'art' film tricks on both the
visual and audio side doesn't really help at all. *


[...]

Bestiality -The Facts (Er, eh...American, around 1970..duh)

This 16mm gem, alledgely found in a N.Y. antique shop, has an authorative doctor
(looking much like Sean Connery, btw) telling us about bestiality. He begins in
ancient egypt and ends up with Kinsey figures saying that 1 out of every 3.5
person has had a sexual experience with an animal. Then he proceeds to interview
a girl that on a trip to Europe ended up in Morroco looking for cheap hash.
Unfortunately she went out for a walk alone one night and was captured by evil
swarty men, that made her a prostitute. She was promised to be set free if she
made love to a dog, but she had seen another girl get her pussy torn apart by a
retreating dog cock. These nasty africans would hit the dog hard with a stick,
when it had entered the girl, making it pull out. Our heroine solved this
problem by fellating the dog several times. It's quite a funny scene with the
all excited and eagerly prying 'doctor' interviewing the girl on a sofa. He is
in fact so excited that his trouser legs start to creep up his leg inevitably
revealing a pair of sock suspenders. But the intelligent viewer of course knew
that he wore such all along. The documentary then focusses a bit on the new
(1968) danish pornography legislation, interviewing people on the streets of
Copenhagen and the manager of Color Climax Corp., also then one of the biggest
porn companies. And then we're ripe for the main attraction. An interview with
BODIL! Appreciative grunts were heard throughout the hot theater. I'll try to
the best of my ability to transcribe it, marred as my memory is after its
meeting with unusual amounts of booze and 10-12 english hooligans after the
show:

[...]

[Bodil doesn't speak english, so Svend has to translate both questions and
answers. She is around 17, a beautiful young girl]
S: And, Bodil, You make love to animals?
B: Yes.
S: When did you have your first erotic experience with an animal?
B: When I was 12.
S: What kind of animal was that?
B: A dog.
S: Do you make love with other types of animals?
B: Oh, yes. I do pigs, horses and a bull. But the bull is now with some cows.
S: What about men?
B: I tried it once, but it wasn't really anything [I suppose that she must be
referring to the logger story].
S: Not anything at all?
B: No, I'd much rather be with my animals.
S: When did you start doing movies.
B: One year ago, 'Animal Orgy'.
S: And will you continue to make films.
B: Yes, I'd like to get enough money to buy my own farm.
S: Is that your dream.
B: Yes, the best I can think of is to have my own farm with all my animals
around me.

[...]

From: nikolai@csource.oz.au (nikolai kingsley)
Subject: Genesis P Orridge - my Hero!
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 92 16:38:46 +1000
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: art

COUM Transmissions
 
  ... are, or were, a performance art group that featured
two of the founding members of Throbbing Gristle: Genesis
P Orridge and Cosey Fanni Tutti.  unlike certain
performance artists - or at least, what most people
consider performance artists to be like (i.e. laurie
anderson), COUM were slightly different.  Genesis recalls:
 
       ... I used to do things like stick severed
     chickens' heads over my penis, and then try and
     masturbate them, whilst pouring maggots over
     it... In Los Angeles, in 1976, at the Institute
     of Contemporary Arts (LAICA), Cosey and I did a
     performance where I was naked.  I drank a bottle
     of whiskey and stood on a lot of tacks. And then
     I gave myself enemas with blood, milk and urine,
     and then broke wind so a jet of blood, milk and
     urine combined shot across the floor in front of
     Chris Burden and assorted visual artists.  I then
     licked it off the floor, which was a not-clean
     concrete floor.
       Then I got a 10-inch nail and tried to swallow
     it, which made me vomit.  Then I licked the vomit
     off the floor and Cosey helped me lick the vmoit
     off the floor. And she was naked and trying to
     sever her vagina to her navel - well, she cut it
     from her vagina to her navel with a razor blade,
     and she injected blood into her vagina which then
     trickled out, and we then sucked the blood from
     her vagina into a syringe and injected it into
     eggs painted black, which we then tried to eat.
     And we vomited again, which we used for enemas.
       Then I needed to urinate, so I urinated into a
     large glass bottle and drank it all while it was
     still warm. (This was all improvised).  And then
     we gradually crawled to each other, licking the
     floor clean ('cause we don't like to leave a
     mess, y'know; after all, it's not fair to insult
     an art gallery). Chris Burden, who's known for
     being outrageous, walked out with his girlfriend,
     saying, `This is not art, this is the most
     disgusting thing I've ever seen, and these people
     are sick.'
 
 
[...]

From: jmmoelan@cs.vu.nl (Moelands JM)
Subject: GOD LOVES AMERICA (BUT EVERYBODY ELSE HATES IT)
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 16:14:55 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: art

[...]

        GOD LOVES AMERICA (BUT EVERYBODY ELSE HATES IT)

        A huuuuge black nigger-dick pumping in a white slime-covered
pussy... god, what a nightmare. I woke up and felt miserable. I threw
away the My Little Pony-blanket, and immediately my juicy knobcancer-
tumor splattered funny red liquids on the ceiling. It must be Splaturday
I guessed. God, what a rotten life. I got up, leaving behind about .5 kg
(1 lbs.) of skin. My psiorasis was getting worse and worse! God, what a
way to start another rotten day.
        At that point I heard someone scratching on the door. I felt
something emotional was gonna happen. Was my sister gonna give me her
daily blow job?
        No, it's Gorefest II, my new German Shephard. He jumped in my
room friskily, his tongue hanging out of his panting mouth, his eyes
looking at me enchantedly. Yep, he's horny again. And so was I. At first
I thought he was gonna jump right at me coz I expected that he couldn't
wait to see my sperm encrusted pleasure pump. But no, he squatted in
front of me and gazed longing at me, while he forced a tiny, soft turd
out of his shithole. Yes! It's time for a Shit-Kiss (TM).
        I carefully took the stool between my lips and sucked it in till
its warm wetness touched my tongue. I deeply inhaled the fresh aroma
while my nose touched Gorefest's wet one. A tender moment. Then he
opened his mouth and we started frenching. We played with his gift of
love between our tongues. We enjoyed trading it back and forth between
our mouths and shared the intense joy of slowly sucking on it whilst
holding it between our lips and teeth. And so the canine gastro-
intestinal product eventually melted away in our mouths. Hungrily I
licked the last pieces of dogshit out of his facial hair, longing for
more, but...
        "NO! I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend, she's still young
(6 years old), she's innocent and blind and gives fantastic head, and
you know that, but...  I just CAN'T say 'NO' to you coz I love you, I
want you so much" I shouted. Not only did I make an absolute fool of
myself now, but I also offended Gorefest II. I ran to the altar of
Excretia, my godess (she's half lobster, half Barbara Bush, wears Mickey
Mouse earrings, a pamper and has a giant colostomy bag) and started
praying to her to find consolidation. But I knew she couldn't comfort me
coz the only things she always gave me were orgasms, so I ran down the
stairs and saw _his_ letter.
        Don't ask me why, but I immediately knew it was _his_. Yes,
Erich Honecker had written me a love letter. Every time I had seen him
on TV I felt one with him, and I knew he was feeling the same way too, I
dunno, it must be some kind of telepatic bond. You know, we had so much
in common: our liver-cancer, our miserable lifes, the fact that he spent
a lot of time in prison and I spent a lot of time in the madhouse (so we
were both victims of the system), all the people that didn't understand
us, our mutual compulsion to kill and torture, the fact that Honny 
(that's how I called him) and I both aren't nazis (I'm a _neo_-nazi). I
knew how much he had wanted to start a brand new life in Chile, together
with his wife and daughter, to forget all his pain and misery and
sorrow, but his former comrades wouldn't let him... just like...
        Yes! Yes! Yes! Now I knew what I had to do: to be reborn! To
start a brand new life! And for that, I had to deal with my parents, who
presented me with this hell called life.
        And a hell it was. A few hours before I was born, when the
contractions really started to worry my mom, my father hooked her in
tens of fish-hooks that were hanging from the ceiling of their bedroom.
While my mom was still hanging in this mildly uncomfortable position, my
father kicked the shit out of the big bulge on my mother's belly,
screaming things like "Fat fat bitch you're too lazy even to give birth
to your own child without any help from a hard working man" till I was
thrown out of the uterus with the power of a dinosaur's ejaculation. 
        After I was born, I was an anal virgin for about 3 seconds, coz
my father instantaneously planted me on his rock-hard pulsating pleasure
prodder that was lubricated with my birth fluids, winded my umbilical
cord (which was still attached to both me and my mom) around me, and
gave it a hard pull, so that the cord unrolled quickly and I started to
rotate on his purple-headed warrior faster and faster till the cord
wrapped me up the other was around. The expression on my face obviously
turned him on, coz he pulled my umbilical cord again and again till he
approached the point of climax. Then he wrapped it a few times around
his neck till it obstructed his breathing, and then tighened it with one
hand and shoved me up and down his blue-veined love snake with the other
till he ejaculated chocking, on the edge of consciousness. (Talking
about the height of strangle-sex...)
        That was the last climax he ever had, coz the thousand-fold
intensification of his sexual delight caused by the lack of oxygen
caused an arterial blood-explosion right in the lust-centre of his brain
so till now he never woke up again from the coma in which he was in for
almost 20 years now, in the basement.

[...]  [goes on for quite a while :-)]

        After what seemed an endless moment, I hit the ground. There I
was. A little confused I looked around me and saw that the uterus had
partly come out with me, inside out, and was sticking to my feet. I took
my knife (that I still had clenched between my teeth all the time), took
the womb and cut me loose from my mother in one stout stroke. Excitement
overwhelmed me and I couldn't breath for a moment. Then I looked around
at my own blood-covered nudity and started to cry and cry and cry. I
was so happy. Now I was freed from I my sins, I could do anything I
wanted.  I could even move to Germany to live together with all my neo-
nazi friends, who still think I'm a natural skinhead (but it's my 
cancer). Yes, I could begin an entirely new life full of love, warmth,
friendship, hapiness, joy, sunshine, sex, violence, rape, disabled
children, cancer.... 


From: vinniej@sco.COM (One Sick Individual)
Subject: Just Imagine
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 1992 01:18:12 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Summary: art

Y'know, I got to thinking about the whole animal rights issue. I
realized how fortunate we were to be on top of the food chain. 

To the animal rights people, I say, we live in a world where we
are the dominant species among creatures such as rodents and pigeons.
So let's look at it as if we weren't the dominant species on the
earth. 


Just for argument's sake, let's say that the primates were running
things in the animal kingdom, and they were using us as a food
crop. We'd be kept in pens all day. Since we were only farm animals,
we could do pretty much nothing except fuck and eat. Now, they'd want      
us to fuck in order to propagate the species. And they'd want us to
eat a lot in order to make nice chops and roasts.

Now, you'd say, "What's so bad about eating and fucking all day?"

Well, fucking would lose its appeal when you consider that there
wouldn't be no Cindy Crawfords and Tom Cruises. No, no, no, they 
would want you big and fat. So all your potential sex partners would 
look like Roseanne Barr or Oprah Winfrey, and your male ones like
William Conrad and Meat Loaf and Louie Anderson.

Food would look bad when you consider what we feed our animals that
we use for food. We feed chickens seeds, cows grass, and pigs just
about anything, including pork.


So here's how I picture your last day on earth as a food animal;




You're laying in the back of the pen after feasting on a pail of
slop consisting of rotten vegetables and human scraps. You're all stretched
out, with one of the Roseanne things licking the sweat off of your hide.
You grunt and roll over. Spotting one of the Oprah things, you sidle up
and begin your mating ritual. After a while, you mount it and pump away for a
while into its fat, flaccid body, releasing your spooge and feeling all
the satisfaction one feels after watching Lawrence Welk. As you wander back
into the shade to sleep, you see the primate farmer coming toward the pen.
He has the stick he always carries. You've seen this before. He chases one
of the other humans out of the pen, and he has never been seen since. But
no one knows where they go.

As an animal, your senses are heightened. Something instinctively tells
you that the farmer has come for YOU this time. You begin to panic, and
you feebly attempt to avoid him. But he's done this before. As you run
toward the corner, he steps into your path, causing you to dodge away to
the other side. You try to change direction. The farmer sidesteps, making
you change direction yet again. This time, you cannot avoid the chute, the
one you saw so many before you run down and never return. As you run down
the chute, you realize that that's where he intended for you to go in the
first place. A feeling of doom comes over you as the chute narrows to the
point that there is no room to turn around, only forward.

As you get farther into the pen, the smell of sweat, blood, excrement and
urine are overpowering. Your animal instinct tells you that this is the place
that you are going to die. At the bottom of the chute is an opening, and you
make a dash for it, as it is the only possible way out. Just as you reach it,
and your hope is beginning to surface, a hammer comes from straight up above 
you and crushes your skull. Before you die, everything goes red from all the
burst blood vessels behind your eyes. As you let out your last breath, you
realize that this had been your destiny from the day you were born.


[...]
--
 Iain Sinclair    axolotl@socs.uts.edu.au