Relations Between Husband and Wife

Date: 18 MAY 1996 16:08:37 GMT 

Newsgroups: soc.religion.islam
Subject: Re: Sexual Relations Between Husband & Wife 

XXXX wrote:
: Hello: 
: As a recently married Muslim, I was hoping someone could refer me to
: sources which can guide me as to what is permissible in Islam between a
: man and his wife. I once heard of an Islamic book called "Perfumed
: Garden"? Is there such a publication? Or could someone suggest other
: sources. In particular, I needed to know what the five schools of thought
: advised on oral sex or fellatio. Please email or post responses. Thank
: you.

alssalaamu 3alaykum

May Allah bless you and your wife with his blessing and unite you in 
harmony and happiness.

The book you mentioned (_The Perfumed Garden_) was written in Tunisia in 
the 16th century A.D. by Cheikh 'Omar bin Sidi en-Nefzawi. It is a sort 
of marriage manual written in a rather provocative and lewd style. Even 
the author himself acknowledges its lascivious nature by ending it with 
these words: "I have indeed committed a sin by writing this book. Forgive 
me O Thou to whom we call not in vain. O Allah, do not confound me for 
this on the Day of Judgment. And you, O Reader, I beg you to say 'Amen'." 
The book is an interesting historical and cultural oddity; it is not to 
be recommended as an educational manual for married couples.

The principles of conjugal love in Islam are few and uncomplicated.
 
1. Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the wife 
and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not limited to 
vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual caressing, such as 
kissing and fondling of various kinds.

2. Nothing should be done that is offensive or harmful to either person. 
Each has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but neither has 
the right to disgust or injure the other.

3. With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that 
they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such 
activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur'an says, 
"Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please." (2:223)

4. It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is 
menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet 
(God's grace and peace be upon him), a man and his menstruating wife can 
however give one another pleasure so long as the woman's genitals are 
avoided.

5. There are ahadith that forbid anal intercourse and scholars generally 
agree that it is not permissible. However, in his tafsir (commentary) 
Tabaari (3d century A.H.) while forbidding sodomy, says that earlier 
authorities were divided on the question.

6. The Qur'an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms 
that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it is up 
to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide how to 
physically express their sexual desires.

7. What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be 
discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, 
such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (pbuh) 
said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their sexual 
practices: "Do you know what those who do this are like? Those who do 
this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on the road and 
satisfy their desire while the people look on."

Therefore, in Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual 
activities according to the sure teaching of the Qur'an, in the light of 
the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in mutual 
respect for one another and knowing that the only witness to the 
expression of their desires will be Allah the Exalted, who will judge 
them according to their deeds and their heartfelt intentions.

The question of the lawfulness of oral-genital contact is difficult
because there are many opinions. For some, it is forbidden. For others,
tolerated. For some it is lawful. Some consider it to be lawful as long as
the couple use such contacts as foreplay and conclude their love-making
with vaginal intercourse. 

I believe that this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife 
together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows best.

Peace to all who seek God's face.

XXXXX

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