Staff List & Mailing Address
Staff List & Mailing Address
Staff List & Mailing Address
MORNING STAR is produced and published monthly, by a staff of born
again believers in Jesus, located across the United States of
America. Correspondence to MORNING STAR may be sent via the U.S.
Postal Service or one of several computer networks.

POSTAL ADDRESS:
P.O. Box 7755
Nashua, NH 03060-7755

ELECTRONIC MAIL LINKS:
America Online E-Mail (DOS Files): MStarDOS 
America Online E-Mail (MAC Files): MStarMAC 
GENIE Network E-Mail: M.Wilkinson1 
COMPUSERVE Network E-Mail: 74270;1265 
DELPHI Network E-Mail: Derr1ck
(Note on Delphi name: It is a number "1" between the "r" and "c") 

=====================================================================

MORNING STAR STAFF:

EDITOR IN CHIEF 
Toby Trudel - Nashua, NH

SENIOR EDITOR - Biblical Department 
Geoffrey Kragen - Roseville, CA

SENIOR EDITOR - Christian Life Department 
Teresa Giordanengo - Canonsburg, PA

SENIOR LITERARY EDITOR 
Al Murillo III - El Paso, TX

WRITING STAFF 
Jerry Johnson - Modesto, CA 
J.C. Trudel - Naples Park, FL 
Dr. Charles Wootten - Matoaca, VA

SENIOR PUBLISHER - DOS Version 
Steve Paulovich - Derry, NH

DIRECTOR OF NETWORK DISTRIBUTION 
(AMERICA ONLINE and COMPUSERVE Networks) 
Jerry White - Germantown, MD

DIRECTOR OF NETWORK DISTRIBUTION (GENIE Network) 
Mike Wilkinson - Citrus Heights, CA

DIRECTOR OF NETWORK DISTRIBUTION (DELPHI Network) 
Derrick Shipman - Greenville, SC

DIRECTOR OF BBS DISTRIBUTION - USA 
Walter H. Bauer Jr. - Sugar Land, TX

BBS DISTRIBUTION MANAGERS - USA 
Bruce Derouen - Beaumont TX 
Danny O. Dennis - Opelika, AL 
Jack Lavallet III - Alpharetta, GA

INTERNATIONAL DISTRIBUTION 
Sharon Sanders - Jerusalem, Israel 
Lars Storstrand - Minde, Norway

OFFICE SYSTEMS TECHNICIAN 
Patrick Auriemma - Nashua, N.H.

Letters
Letter From the Editor
Letter From the Editor
FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK
Welcome to the December issue of MORNING STAR. Last month it gave
me great pleasure to announce that the magazine had made it from
coast to coast on various computer networks and bulletin board
systems (BBS). This time around, the news is even more amazing.
MORNING STAR has made its way to the computer networks in a number
of countries overseas. The DOS version of the magazine can now be
found in these locations:

"DASAN" (National computer network in Norway)
"Lion of Zion" BBS - Norway
"Nazareth" BBS - Finland
"Barnabas" BBS - England

The hard copy version of Morning Star is being handed out on a
regular basis in Jerusalem, Israel, at the international office of
Christian Friends of Israel. People from all around the world
visit the CFI office and are taking MORNING STAR back to their
countries.

A personal friend of mine recently went on a four-week trip to
Uganda, Africa. He took disk copies of both the DOS and Macintosh
versions with him. Neither of us knew what would come of this.
The disks are now in the hands of a born again believer named
Solomon Kubuye. Mr. Kubuye is a United Nations diplomat to Kenya.
He is now looking into how best to distribute the magazine.

Another brother in the Lord just flew to Saudi Arabia on military
duty, taking with him both computer editions on disks. He hopes to
be able to distribute these on the military BBS in the Middle East.
Please keep this in prayer!

It would seem that God is being His usual faithful self. It is
quite something see a miracle like this happening before our eyes.
If anyone wishes to assist in BBS distribution please contact us
by way of either our Post Office box or any of our electronic mail
links on the major networks. (Refer to the Staff List and Mail
Link area elsewhere in this issue.)

We are still looking into making a BBS link with mainland Europe
and the Soviet Union. Perhaps by the next issue there will be good
news from these areas. It is our hope that MORNING STAR will
become a truly international magazine.

NOTE: There has been a change in the location of MORNING STAR on
the Compuserve network: Location = go religion go to libraries go
to christianity go to mstar2.zip

INSIDE THIS ISSUE This third issue is the first of what we hope to
be a series of "Changed Lives" editions. Our current plan is to
publish two of these per year. This premiere Changed Lives issue
features testimonies from individuals who were delivered by God out
of a homosexual lifestyle. The staff felt strongly that there was
a real need for such an issue. The falsehood that homosexuals
cannot ever change is being repeated with alarming frequency in
magazine articles, over computer networks and on television.
Recent broadcasts of "ABC's Nightline" and the "Ron Reagan Show"
featured both homosexual spokesmen as well as "experts" who
proclaimed this total lie to be truth to national audiences.

The real fact is that thousands of men and women have been set
free of this lifestyle, but it was not done by psychology, therapy
or drugs. Only the living God, the saving God of Abraham, Isaac
and Jacob can help a person out of this and make them a new
creature, living the life that He intends for us. It is our hope
that the testimonies and articles in this issue will be helpful to
those who want to live for God. Our prayer is that they will
listen to His Word, not the fables of teachers that God's Word
expressly warned would come in these latter days to mislead them.

FUTURE ISSUES: If you are interested in submitting an original
article, story or poem for Morning Star, here is a list of upcoming
themes. Don't feel limited to these topics however!

January - EDUCATION (Christian schools, Christians in public
schools, home schooling - deadline November 16).

February - MINISTRIES (International and local ministry profiles -
deadline December 21)

March - RELATIONSHIPS (Marriages, family members, friends,
occupational - deadline January 18)

April - CHANGED LIVES #2 - (Prison inmates - deadline February 15)

May - ISRAEL (44th anniversary issue - deadline March 21)

Remember, we cannot use copyrighted material without prior written
consent from the writer or publisher.

SEND IN YOUR LETTERS! We love hearing from our brothers and sisters
across the USA and around the world! Please send in a post card or
contact us via one of the E-mail links. Your comments, questions
and suggestions are wanted and welcome.

AND OF COURSE... MORNING STAR accepts literary contributions from
believers wherever they may live. It is our policy to publish
testimonies as they are originally submitted with minimal
alteration of the text. Opinions stated in these testimonies do
not necessarily reflect those of the MORNING STAR staff. The
content of MORNING STAR does not necessarily represent the views or
opinions of any computer network.

In service to Jesus the Messiah,
Toby Trudel
Editor in Chief
MORNING STAR
Your Letters
Your Letters
"I just finished reading the articles about the two Vietnam Vets in
Morning Star (Vol 1.1). I'm very happy to see that they both got
their lives together. I was able to identify with much, if not all,
that they had to say. I also thoroughly enjoyed Joanne's poems."
Jerry Bailin - Baltimore, Maryland

"I can't tell you how surprised I was when I looked at your
HyperCard stack, Morning Star (Vol 1.2). I never dreamed it would
be so exhaustive. Wow! I think I even found the kitchen sink in
there near the recipe section. Very well done. Very Bible based and
such a variety. I have uploaded it to my BBS, Maclectic BBS in
Whittier, CA. There is an extensive religious section there.
Continue the good work! I'm on my way to download the first volume
so I can get part one to all my part twos."
Rev. Bob Rockhill Christian Family Fellowship - Whittier, California

"I am really blessed by the Morning Star. Keep up the good work and
God Bless you all."
Sibia Hopper - Okeana, Ohio

"I loved reading the first issue of Morning Star, I haven't yet
downloaded issue two, but I am going to soon ..."
Katherine Taglauer - Bowling Green, Kentucky

" ... I have just down loaded your most recent issue ... It is
great to see christians moving with the technological innovations
of the 1990's ... I feel that most communication innovation can be
greatly used for the spreading of the work of God."
Joel P.K. - Chico, California

"Morning Star is one of the most encouraging things I've
witnessed because it uses space age technology to promote the
greatest message on earth; that Jesus saves to the uttermost!"
Ann Varnum - Dothan, Alabama

"... I am glad to hear that it is going so well. I will keep the
people doing the work for the magazine in my prayers!"
Leroy Newman - Pasadena, TX

"Thanks for answering my letter. Looking forward to helping
upload Morning Star to BBS's across America. May God Bless You."
Tim Maines - Lexington, North Carolina

"Excellent publication. A must read for all believers and non-
believers alike. Terrific format and anointed. Keep up the good
work."
Christiana Weintraub - Houston, Texas
Commentary
Commentary
TO GOD BE THE GLORY

This issue of Morning Star is a celebration of the love and mercy
of God. It presents a testimony of the fact that when the gift of
salvation is received we become new creations. We are no longer
slaves to the sin which had held us in bondage all our lives. In
the pages that follow, you will be given the opportunity to read
how God has freed people from the burden of sin and how He has
provided others who are willing to help in that process.

We will be providing testimony issues a couple of times a year to
encourage each of us to remember just how much we have to be
grateful for. We will be reminded of all that God has provided for
us and the blessings that come to us as Christians, not necessarily
material, but primarily spiritual blessings that come to us because
God loves us and is concerned about our spiritual growth. The
message of this issue isn't "instant maturity," but a process by
which we develop and more like the model which God has provided for
us in Christ. "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:4).

The process of maturing is our hope, the hope of becoming the
person God intends us to be. And therefore, we can praise the Lord
for the truth found in Scripture: "Therefore, if anyone is in
Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
(2 Corinthians 5:17). 

What does it mean to be a new creation? As previously noted, it
means that we are no longer slaves to sin. "Don't you know that
when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are
slaves to the one whom you obey - whether you are slaves to sin,
which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?
But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you
wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were
entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to
righteousness" (Romans 6:16-18).

Isn't this wonderful? We are no longer slaves to sin! This doesn't
mean we never sin, but it does mean we no longer have to sin. And
this freedom is from all sin, from every kind of sin.

Paul taught: "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the
kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor
idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual
offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers
nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some
of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were
justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit
of our God" (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).

Notice that this passage is a listing of the sins of individuals
who have now become believers. Praise the Lord. No matter what
you have struggled with, alcoholism, drug addiction, being a
workaholic, sexual immorality; be it adultery, sexual relations
outside marriage, homosexuality, God can give you the strength
to overcome. It may be difficult. It may be very painful and
frightening. It may take time, but again, we are new creations,
we are no longer slaves to sin, and no matter what the specific
sin, there are other believers who have struggled with and
overcome them all. The message of Scripture is freedom, the
freedom from sin.

Paul even said of himself: "Here is a trustworthy saying that
deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to
save sinners--of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason
I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ
Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for
those who would believe on him and receive eternal life"
(1 Timothy 1:15- 16).

Do you still think that whatever sin you are struggling with is
so bad that you can't be free, or can't be forgiven? Then go
back and reread the previous verses. Paul said he was the worst
of sinners. He was responsible for killing believers. He was
the enemy of God. But Paul was forgiven when he accepted Jesus
Christ as Lord. 

God loves you and will free you, if you will allow Him the
authority over your life. You have to decide what is more
important to you; maintaining your sinful practices, or becoming
the person God wants you to be. The message of Scripture, and
the testimony of this issue of Morning Star, is that God
provides the way out of a sinful life to all who desire it. 
There is not one sin or lifestyle rejected by God that has not
been practiced by a person who today is a follower of Christ and
free from that practice.

In this issue, you will read of how God has freed individuals
from the specific sin of homosexuality, and some of the
resources He has provided to help in this struggle. But the
message of this issue is more than just freedom from a specific
sin, it is the hope and comfort that regardless of whatever sin
we struggle with, God loves us and will be there for us as we
strive to be obedient to Him and leave our sin behind. The call
of Scripture is the acceptance of the forgiveness that God wants
to give to us, and then a willingness to allow His Spirit to
work in our lives to bring about maturity and conformity to the
example that our Lord Jesus Christ has provided for us.

Finally, within this issue is also a message for the church; for
us as believers. We must not fall into the trap of defining
one specific sin, the "sin of the week." Remember Paul teaches
that no matter how heinous the sin, "such were some of you." 
The responsibility of the church is to make disciples. This
means we are to help people recognize their sin and to provide
the necessary support for them to assist them in leaving their
sin behind. Christ died for the sinner, and though it may have
become a trite saying, the church is to be a hospital for
sinners, not a museum for saints.

SO WHEN DO WE GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND BACK INTO THE WAR
ALREADY?

While we are to stand firm against sin, we must reach out with
the hand of love to those found in sin, who truly desire
release. We must never fall into the trap of saying, "Your sin
is so bad that you will never be free. You are bound for Hell
and there is nothing that can change it." Too often instead of
helping the fallen to mature, we condemn them, making them feel
hated and therefore provide them with the excuse to remain in
their sin. The message of the testimonies you will read here is
that God not only forgives sin, but He provides a way out of a
sinful life. And this is a process, sometimes a very slow
process. As long as individuals are striving to grow, are
struggling to be what God wants them to be, He is satisfied. 
How can we expect anymore from them? 

Christians, open the doors of your hearts, and of your church to
those suffering the pain of sin in their lives, showing them God
loves them and wants to free them. There is risk in doing this,
and often people will reject us, will fall back into sin, and
we'll want to quit reaching out. We will be involved with
people and situations that stretch us beyond what we desire. 
But the message of Scripture is to love even the unlovable. "A
new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you,
so you must love one another. By this all men will know that
you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34-35).
 

We are all forgiven sinners, and our responsibility is to make
the same mercy and love we received available to others. If we
truly desire to serve God, then the Christian life entails risk.
But the message of this magazine is that the risk is worth it. 
Just as we expect the new believer to grow and to leave sin
behind, so we must be willing to do what Christ commanded of all
of us, "to go and make disciples." We each need to ask
ourselves: "Am I willing to be used by the Lord to reach out to
whoever He puts in my way, even if the experience is
threatening?" I pray that we are, for as we reach out, we will
be blessed by being obedient to the Lord, and because sometimes
He lets us have the joy of seeing Him change the lives of those
around us. Let us desire to one day stand before the Lord and
hear Him say: "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have
been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of
many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" (Matthew
25:21).

Therefore, let us rejoice as we read the accounts of the love
and mercy in the lives of others, and praise God that this same
love and mercy is available to us. Let us prayerfully consider
how we need to allow the Lord to move in our lives to root out
the sin that we still need to deal with. "Search me, O God, and
know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if
there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way
everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24). And let us be open to the
leading of the Spirit, directing us to come along side those in
pain, who need the healing touch of the Master.

The message of Christianity is forgiveness for sin, and freedom
from sin. The message of Scripture is one of hope, of comfort,
in the midst of pain, It tells us of a loving Father God, who
desires that which will bring us to a closer relationship with
Him and conformity to the model of Christ. The message of the
Gospel is the promise of righteousness, and an eternity with God
for all who would come to Him no matter what type of sin may
have been in their lives.

Our hope is that you will be blessed as you read of real life
accounts of these truths worked out in the lives of real people.
If you are a Christian, rejoice with us in the miracles of the
Lord. And if you do not yet have a relationship with our loving
God, may you come to understand the words of John 3:16 and make
them a part of your life: "For God so loved the world that he
gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall
not perish but have eternal life."

We at Morning Star are here to help you find that eternal
relationship with the God who created you. If you would like
help, you can reach us through the email or post office
addresses listed elsewhere in the magazine. May the Lord bless
you.

Features
The Way Out
The Way Out by Phil Hobizal
THE WAY OUT
By Phil Hobizal

As far as I knew, I was the only one around dealing with
homosexuality. I had no one to confide in; my psychiatrist told
me to accept it. I didn't want to be gay, but there seemed no
other choice.

I was raised in a small town outside of Portland, Oregon.
Although our family was religious, I had no personal knowledge
of God. Dad was always working to support our family of five
children. Unfortunately, his constant worries about money left
him short-tempered and critical. He had little time to spend
with us and ,as I grew older, I began to resent him. My mother,
on the other hand, was loving and supportive. Because I rejected
my father, she became my role model. I enjoyed the same things
she did: art, music and cooking.

When I was seven, my brother's friend spent the night. He
introduced me to sexual experimentation, and we kissed and
hugged for hours. Because of my own need for love and
acceptance, it felt good to be close and share this kind of
intimacy.

Years went on. I didn't like the competition of sports, and
always felt different from the other boys. Music became an
escape, a way of proving myself. I enjoyed learning the piano
and guitar.

Junior high school brought on a whole new set of pressures. I
switched from a private to a public school. I didn't know
anybody. My body began to change and I was viewed by the other
students as a sissy.

I was very frightened and thoughts of suicide became more
frequent. I had it all planned: a bottle of pills, the easy way
out. But one day my science teacher made the remark, "Anyone
who kills himself is a sissy." Oh no, not that. I thought. 
That would be the worst thing people could think of me. My only
way of escape wasn't an option after all.

In my town, there were two types of students: the jocks and
stoners. Not being sports-minded, I wasn't much of a jock. So
being a stoner was my option, which meant being part of the drug
scene.

There was no limit to what I'd try. I became totally
rebellious. Inside I resented my mother, blaming her for the way
I was. And I hated my Dad for his neglect. Drugs became my
escape from the pain inside.

My first sexual encounter occurred with my best friend in high
school. We were drunk and I took advantage of him. Although he
allowed it, there was little reciprocation on his part. He
wasn't homosexual and there was no mention of the incident
afterwards. This began a pattern for me with other guys.

I would make sexual advances to them; later, they would say
nothing. Fantasy and masturbation were also a frequent release
for my sexual tension, but it was all very unfulfilling. To
others I appeared to be a normal kid. I played in the local rock
band and was senior class president. Outwardly I was friendly
and happy, but inwardly I was wasting away.

As far as I knew, I was the only one around dealing with
homosexuality. I had no one to talk to about it. I didn't want
to be gay but there seemed to be no other choice.

After graduation, I moved out of my parents' home. The rock
group kept me involved in wild parties and drugs. But I was
careful not to "come out of the closet" as a homosexual. I was
so dependent on what others thought of me that I couldn't risk
their rejection. While my friends were having heterosexual
experiences, I was abstaining. Inside I was consumed with
homosexual lust. The tension was tearing me apart, and I began
to wonder how long I could keep my sanity.

I finally broke down in tears and told my parents the dark
secret that had plagued my life for so many years. It came as
no surprise. They had suspected for some time, but didn't know
what to do about it.

"Why don't you become a priest?" was my dad's response. I
realized that was no answer, merely another escape. My parents
agreed to pay for counseling, but I only went twice. The
psychiatrist wanted me to accept my situation, and recommended
group therapy. That wasn't the solution I needed.

My personal search for other answers began. But the more
psychology books I read, the more confused I got. I knew that I
was too undisciplined and insecure to change myself, so I began
to study other possibilities, such as Eastern religions and
hypnosis. Still no answers. Maybe there's no way out, I
thought. I'll just have to accept it.

About this time I started a new job, and one of the guys at work
became my friend. There was something different about Jim; he
had a peace in his life that I wanted. He always talked about
Jesus. Because I also had a religious background, we'd talk
about God. But it soon became apparent that I didn't know Him
the way Jim did. To me, God was distant and harsh, not a loving
Father.

At the same time, the pull to dive headlong into the gay
lifestyle was getting intense. A homosexual man I'd met through
work was coming on to me. I had to make a choice: to follow my
feelings, or to try this "Jesus" about whom I was hearing so
many good things.

One night in October, 1978, I prayed desperately: "God, if
You're real, please reveal yourself to me." As I slept, He
spoke to me in a vivid dream, letting me know that He had a
place for me to eat at His table [Rev. 3:20]. The next day I
woke up with such a peace and joy that I wept. Somehow, I knew
God was real, that He was the answer for which I'd been
searching so long.

I knew God could change my sexual orientation, but little did I
know the pain and upheaval still ahead. Satan wasn't letting go
of me that easy.

Jim and his friends gave me much-needed love and attention. At
first, they knew nothing of my homosexual struggles. I wanted
so much to be accepted that I wouldn't risk being vulnerable
with them. Jim suggested that I try out a church he'd heard
about, which had many young people out of the same hippie
background from which I had come. I was afraid, but went and
sat at the back of the church by myself. When the service was
over, I quickly left.

The people were very friendly, and gradually I began hanging
around after church a little longer. The leadership eventually
asked me to be an usher, and I became active in different
aspects of the church life. This kept me busy and helped me
avoid too much focus on my homosexual feelings.

I destroyed anything in my house related to homosexuality, and
devoted myself to prayer and reading God's Word. I didn't hang
around with my old friends. To them, I had become a "Jesus
freak." I prayed for new friends and as I became more involved
in church life, I began to establish lasting friendships. The
key was being willing to be vulnerable, to feel awkward at
times, but still persevere.

Within months of my conversion, my father developed a problem
that required a serious operation. We were told he had a 50/50
chance of living. For the first time, I began to experience
feelings of love toward my dad, and I wept at the thought of
losing him. I forgave him for all he had done to me. The
healing process had begun.

After about a year, I knew I needed the support of my church to
gain more victory over my past. Then came an anonymous phone
call one night from someone threatening to beat me up because I
was a "queer." I went and told my pastor about my background. 
He was very supportive, and asked me to share my testimony the
next Sunday in church!

I was scared to death, but God gave me the courage to get it
out. If I'm really going to be a part of this church, I
thought, they need to know me for who I am. The church
responded very positively; their acceptance helped me to forgive
myself. God's healing was continuing.

The Lord did many other things in the years to come. He helped
me to overcome fantasy and masturbation problems. The habit of
masturbation was difficult. Although it provided momentary
pleasure, afterward I'd fall into depression, with Satan telling
me what a rotten Christian I was. I remember many nights of
weeping in defeat.

James 4:7 was helpful: "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist
the devil, and he will flee from you." I would acknowledge my
weakness to God and tell Him of my love and deep desire to
please Him. As I resisted in God's strength, I got increasing
victory.

The Lord also helped me to forgive men and women who had hurt me
in my life. I was being changed emotionally and spiritually. 
Freedom from homosexuality was becoming a reality.

But two years into my Christian walk, I fell into homosexuality
again. I'd secretly been holding onto desires for some
homosexual activities I'd never experienced. I began to isolate
myself and then a gay neighbor invited me over for dinner. 
After some wine, my pent-up desires came rushing to the surface.
But the experience was totally unfulfilling; I had a sense of
God's presence that could not be denied.

I ended up repenting on the spot. I apologized to the guy and
left. I was able to confess to a dear friend and he helped in
restoring me. I knew I had opened the door to much spiritual
attack, but I also learned more about the grace and mercy of the
Lord. I have never fallen since that day.

About five years after coming out of homosexuality, I joined an
ex-gay support group here in Portland. Since the beginning of
my journey, I had been in touch with Love In Action and they let
me know of the group. I found out at the first meeting how
valuable my testimony was. I could encourage others because of
what God had taken me through. It felt good to help them take a
stand in their lives and experience God's love and healing.

God was also faithful to provide a lovely woman to be my wife,
and we now have four children. I first met Patty when we were
both working on a Christian musical. Our relationship began as
friends with a common goal. We soon grew close and it became
evident to everyone that God was bringing us together in
marriage. Our courtship was one of the happiest times of my
life.

The restoration of the years of despair have been great and I
feel I've received far more than I deserve. But that's just how
God is. He's loving and kind, a Father to model your life
after. He's shown me real love.

For years, I looked for an escape from my unhappiness and sexual
struggles. But I've found the way out. His Name is Jesus.

Phil Hobizal is director of "The Portland Fellowship," an
outreach to those overcoming homosexuality in Portland, Oregon.
Longing for Love
Longing for Love by Beth Romanowski
LONGING FOR LOVE
By Beth Romanowski

After an evening of angry words with my parents, I lay in my
bedroom, staring into the darkness. Finally they knew I was gay.
Where could I turn now? Everyone hated me. Worst of all, I hated
myself. 

January's cold air was crisp and brutal. My boots crunched
against the snow as I followed my father to his black Cadillac.

"So, what are you?" He clipped the words short as he slammed the
door and we headed home. "Are you the queen, or is she?" I tried
to make myself small against the cold door, keeping my eyes glued
to the floorboard. My father had just found out I was gay.

I was born on January 25, 1963, the second daughter of an alcoholic
father and an emotionally hurt mother. The doctors were concerned
about my health before I was born because my mother was hooked on
prescription uppers and downers. At the time of my birth, my mother
was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. Shortly after I arrived,
my father came home one evening to hear my mother's screams as she
battered her head against the wall.

My mother, now a beautiful Christian, understands that her problems
stemmed from a traumatic childhood. Her father was an alcoholic and
my mother became his emotional wife when her parents separated.
Recently, she has also become aware of being molested as a child.

While I was growing up, my father provided most of my physical
bonding needs. Mother was always there when I needed her, but she
was not demonstrative in her feelings of love. Consequently I began
to lean heavily on my father. My mother and I were not close, and I
began to shut her out of my emotional life.

I recall terrible lonely feelings in the pit of my stomach during
grade school days. I was afraid of going to school and leaving my
mother, fearful she wouldn't be there when I returned. I invented
illness symptoms for years to avoid facing reality at school.

My insecurities multiplied when I entered Junior High because I
felt different. I fluctuated between 130 and 170 pounds and
despised every inch of my body. Young teen-agers aren't known for
being sensitive and kids at school gave me the nickname, "Fatty."
Too often, I was also asked the humiliating question, "Are you
pregnant?"

How I longed to feel loved and special to someone. I usually had
only one special friend during my years of school, which only
intensified my feelings of loneliness and served to catapult me
into one very demanding friendship.

My father became the pastor of our church when I was 15. As he
spent more and more time praying and fasting in his study, I turned
to a friend named Judy to fulfill the void inside me. Along with my
father's change of position, he seemed to become more demanding in
areas of morality and displayed critical disapproval of me.

I had no one left now with whom I could feel secure. Both of my
parents were objects of my bitterness and resentment; I shut out
their love and gravitated to Judy's declaration that I was her
best friend.

During tenth grade, Judy became my lover. I found ways to get out
of my house on week nights by perfecting the art of telling lies.
My conscience pricked me terribly, but the love and acceptance I
felt from Judy were worth it to me. I depended on Judy for every
emotional need. I would have died to please her, my need for
security was so great.

After two years with Judy, I began to wonder if I was what
society called "gay." I didn't come to a conclusion until that
dark night in January. Looking back now, I realize that over the
years I had interests in other girls. Although short-lived, I also
had a few friends that I "loved" very early in life. But I never
confronted my homosexuality until my world came crashing down,
encompassing me with guilt and shame.

That same evening in January, my father found a letter from Judy
expressing her love for me. I was at Judy's house with her cousin,
Dick. At one point in the evening Dick came crashing into the
bedroom, laughing. Judy threw me from her and yelled in a disgusted
tone, "Get away from me, you're sick!" I can still feel the hurt
of realizing her love for me was false. She would rather save her
honor than declare her love for me.

Then the door bell rang, announcing my father's arrival. That
night, for the first time, I realized I was gay. After an
evening of accusations from my parents and many angry words, I
lay in my bedroom, staring into the darkness.

What have I done? I thought. Where can I turn now? I hated
myself and I felt like everyone else hated me too.

I knew that my parents had every right to ostracize me, and I felt
that they would also be justified in their hatred of me. Guilt
clung to me like a heavy blanket. For three days I stumbled
through the motions of life in a stupor. On the evening of the
third day, I cried out to God in despair.

"Please help me." That's all I could say. I felt so low that there
was nothing to offer Him. But slowly, through the darkness, like a
flower blooming, I felt God speaking to me.

"Give me your life, your family and yourself. I will give them back
to you one hundredfold." God's cleansing peace washed over my
wounds as I yielded everything to Him.

I would like to say my surrender to God was the end of my
struggles, but in reality I had only taken the first step toward
freedom as I began the slow process of coming out of homosexuality.

During the ensuing months, I experienced untold guilt and shame.
I withdrew into a shell of condemnation. I had one friend who
somehow loved me in spite of my past. Sue belonged to our church,
so I saw a lot of her in the following year of high school. Her
friendship was the first I experienced as a Christian with a female
outside of homosexuality.

Sue's vivacious nature helped me find joy in my Christianity and,
at the same time, provided a vent for my frequent periods of
weeping. I had a lot of suppressed emotions pertaining to my
parents.

Sue was such a lighthearted person that my depression didn't seem
to affect her. I know now that God sent Sue to me at a time of
great need. I entered a stage of denial, blocking from my mind any
thoughts of my past relationship with Judy.

After I asked God for help, I did not have a struggle with sexual
feelings for other women - nor did I have sexual feelings for men.
You might say that I was neutral.

When I turned eighteen, I married the most wonderful man I have ever
known. Tom had joined our church right after my relationship with
Judy broke apart. He lived next door, so I saw a lot of him. After
we'd known each other for about a year, he asked me to marry him.
I accepted immediately and we were married ten months later.

Tom was tall, ruggedly handsome, lighthearted and protective. I
married him because I loved the secure feelings he gave me. In
becoming Tom's wife, I was looking for a father figure. He knew
about my past but didn't judge me.

I realize now that although God had taken away my homosexual
tendencies, I still had unresolved bitterness and resentment
toward my father and mother. These feelings caused my insecurities
because I wouldn't allow myself to be loved by my parents. It would
be many years until I could honestly deal with this problem.

Tom loved me through our first years with an unfailing passion. 
But no matter how much he tried to reassure me of his love, I
doubted it. I loved my husband with all my heart, but only like
a child loves a father.

After the birth of our first child, Jessica, it became painfully
apparent that I had an old problem hanging around. I had no desire
for the intimacies of married life. I was cold, constantly pushing
away Tom's affection. I had no desire for intimate relationships
with friends, much less with my husband.

By 1987, Tom and I had been married six years and had three
children. But all was not well. I was frequently depressed and my
weight was up to 200 pounds.

We decided to join a counseling group at our church. Tom needed to
vent his feelings of being abandoned by me. My marriage to Tom had
become a heavy cross on my back.

It took two years of counseling before I could see the bitterness I
held toward my parents. I saw how I had shut out their love. Finally
I started dealing with the hurts and feelings I had locked away.

For months, I worked through these emotions. My first step was to
share with Tom some of the most painful periods of my gay past.
With these secrets out in the open, buried feelings from years
before poured out of me. I leaned on Tom in full trust as I vented
my emotions: Anger toward Judy and my parents. Shame for my sinful
actions. Embarrassment for being the gay daughter of a pastor.

All these feelings I labeled and cried through, worked on and
dealt with over a period of months. Much of the time I struggled
to remain open to my female friends and not operate in a shell of
self-preservation. As I worked through these emotions, I began to
notice a marked change in my relationship with Tom. When he showed
me affection that in the past had triggered repulsion, now I felt
a new response as a woman.

At times these last few years have been very difficult. Only
through the grace of Christ and His long-suffering love have I been
able to come through this time. A few months ago I dealt with the
bitterness toward my parents. I took a big step and wrote my mother,
explaining my painful memories, my anger and hurt feelings toward
her, and my desire to become close as mother and daughter. The Lord
is healing the breech and this is something for which I'm very
grateful. My father and I are also growing close again.

I am no longer bound by homosexual feelings and I am now a
complete woman, very comfortable with heterosexuality. I no
longer deny or hide my past, but see God turning my weaknesses into
His strengths. Glory be to the Most High and All-powerful God!

Beth is a homemaker living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She and her
husband, Tom, have four children and attend Charity Faith Church.
Someone to Love Me
Someone to Love Me by Kevin Oshiro
SOMEONE TO LOVE ME
By Kevin Oshiro

I always sought one special friend, someone who could really love
me. But the more I pursued the gay lifestyle, the more disillusioned
I became.

When I was four years old, I started having sex with a male friend.
This behavior continued into our adolescence. Some people might
consider that type of behavior as "just a normal phase," but I know
it impacted my life deeply.

My sexual encounters started to include other schoolmates in third
grade. Even at that early age, I remember the physical sensations
as pleasurable, coupled with an excitement of doing something
instinctively forbidden.

Somewhere in grade school, I started feeling "different" from other
boys. I'd previously been friendly and outgoing; now I became a
loner.

During high school, I began drinking to fit in with the crowd. I
always looked for one special friend, someone who would love me and
never leave me. But I only found a string of emotionally dependent
friendships with other boys. And now I was too scared to approach
other guys for sex. That behavior now had an ugly named attached
to it: "homosexuality."

By the time I graduated from college, I think I knew what my
problem was, but I couldn't face it. And I was certainly not
going for help. There was no way on earth I was going to confide
in anyone about... well, that problem.

After college, I moved to Los Angeles. One evening, I got drunk
at an office party, went to an adult bookstore and had a
homosexual encounter. I went home disgusted with what I'd done,
and shocked at my lack of self-control.

"Oh God," I moaned. "What did I do?" The fact that I was
excited by the whole experience horrified me most of all.

I fought with my sexual desires for another year, then finally
confided in my only friend at the time - a lesbian drinking
buddy. She enthusiastically introduced me to the gay subculture
in Los Angeles. It was January, 1982.

The homosexual lifestyle seemed exciting at first. Now I can
really be myself, I thought. But the continual round of parties,
bars, dancing and drinking kept me from seeing what homosexuality
was doing to my life. Besides, I thought there was no other
alternative, so I determined to make homosexuality "work."

However, I never found the gay world to be genuinely warm,
welcoming or affirming. The more I pursued intimacy, the lonelier
I became. I despaired ever finding that one special person to
make me feel secure and wanted.

I became addicted to the excitement of the bars, bookstores and
bath houses. Sex provided a warped sense of adventure. I
consciously avoided learning anything about AIDS.

Something was missing from my life, something I couldn't
identify. I toyed with looking for a church, but left the idea
on the "maybe someday" list.

Late in 1984, I was miserable enough to try praying. There was no
recognition of Jesus in my mind; I thought a new job would solve
all my problems. God, in His mercy, was drawing me to Himself.
He began by bringing some new friends into my life.

I soon discovered they were Christians. Weird! I thought. Isn't
Christianity only for messed-up people who need a crutch? And yet
these folks didn't seem to have lives of desperation. Instead,
they had something I hadn't seen before: peace.

Four months later, I was so unhappy that I finally gave up: "OK,
God, I've tried running my life and it's not working. Let's try it
Your way now." The next month I asked Jesus Christ to be Lord and
Savior of my life.

Rather than experiencing the joy of my salvation, I was miserably
convicted about my homosexuality. For the next six months, I
persisted in attending church, often falling asleep because of my
sexual escapades the previous night.

During this period, I was confused about homosexuality. "Lord,"
I prayed, "Your Word says it's wrong, but my feelings are so
strong. Please show me what's right, and I'll obey You."

A few days later, I went to a Wednesday evening service. A
young man named Martin testified how God had delivered him from
a life of male prostitution. I was impressed with his courage,
and spoke with him afterwards.

"I'm gay," I confessed. "But God accepts me anyway. I think I was
born this way."

Martin showed me some Scriptures about homosexuality. "And such were
some of you," he read from I Cor. 6:11.

"Are you familiar with the Apostle Paul's conversion?" he asked.
"If God can change someone as messed up as Paul, don't you think
He can do something in your life?"

I knew God was answering my prayer for direction. "This isn't the
answer I hoped for, I thought. But, Lord, I'm going to obey You."

The next month was awful. Despite my resolution to stay away from
the adult bookstores, I gave in to my cravings most of the time.
Finally I snarled at God in frustration. "I can't stand this. What
am I supposed to do? I'm trying to change, but I just can't do it!"

"That's exactly right," He said quietly.

"Oh. Uh - would You help me, maybe?" God's promise to complete
the work He'd begun in my life (Phil. 1:6) started to sink in.

Soon after, I discovered Pat Boone's book, "Coming Out", in a
Christian bookstore. I found the name of an ex-gay ministry in
the back, and they encouraged me to attend group meetings at
another ministry, "Desert Stream."

A few days later, I attended my first meeting. Afterwards, one of
the guys invited me out for coffee. His kindness led to a strong
friendship which still continues today.

The meetings provided a sanctuary, a place to begin relating
"normally." God used the other men to provide a sense of security
and belonging. The healing had begun.

After a month of celibacy, although I continued to attend my own
church's Sunday services and Bible studies, I convinced myself that
Desert Stream's help was no longer needed. Then, a month later, I
fell flat on my face. After repeatedly falling back into sexual
sin, I soon limped back to Desert Stream and joined their 20-week
program, "Living Waters."

God used the program in a way that went beyond everything I'd
prayed or even hoped for, as He began healing the relational
problems that formed the core of my homosexuality.

I started to see where my parents had failed - but also where I was
holding unfair expectations and bitterness against them. Forgiveness
laid the foundation for a restoration in our relationship.

God also reminded me of a childhood vow - "I'll never be like Dad"
- that had contributed to insecurity in my masculinity. I became
aware of how damaging the years of childhood sexual activities
had been.

I renounced these past sins, and began experiencing God in a new
way, as a loving Father. I was also able to give and receive
genuine warmth and caring through my small group at "Living Waters."

As I started believing that people cared about me and that God
truly loved me, I received the strength to stop having sex. There
were several close calls that year, but I no longer considered
sexual encounters to be an option.

One day I expressed my fear of again falling into sexual sin to my
group leader. "Who are you going to put your trust in - your sin,
or Jesus?" he asked me. That comment really freed me; I realized
that I was no longer a slave to my impulses.

A lot of hidden hurts came to the light that year. But the pain was
cleansing. Much of the hurt came from facing reality, knowing I had
to abandon all the sinful ways I'd used to gain love and acceptance
from others.

During 1987, I became a group leader for the "Living Waters"
program. I moved to Santa Monica and became roommates with Mike,
the same guy who'd greeted me during my first meeting at Desert
Stream. His friendship and support were a great blessing in my
life.

In August, I knew it was time to face the AIDS test. It turned out
negative. "God was merciful," I told the counselor. I sang the
entire drive home. For the first time in my life, I actually
felt clean.

In October, the ministry director told me Love In Action was
looking for staff for their live-in program. The whole thing
sounded like an adventure. In November, I flew up to visit the
ministry and to interview with LIA's director, Frank Worthen. 
During our conversation, I noticed he wasn't asking me any
questions.

"It sounds like you've already made a decision," I told him.

Frank smiled. They had already prayed and felt God wanted me on
staff. Somehow, I wasn't surprised. God had shown me two years
before that He was eventually leading me into ministry. I knew
joining Love In Action was the next step. I went home and
prepared for my move to San Rafael in December, 1987.

In ministering here, there's a deep fulfillment in seeing God
change lives, a thrill much more satisfying that the erratic
"high" of the gay lifestyle. Although I may momentarily miss
elements about the old life, I've never regretted the decision
to give control of my life to the Lord.

Temptations still occur, but without the frequency and intensity
as before. Homosexuality no longer dominates my life. And best of
all, I'm experiencing security, purpose and genuine love through
Jesus Christ. He's the one true friend I looked for but never
found - in the gay lifestyle.
Me? A "Real" Woman?
Me? A "Real" Woman? by Jeanete Howard
ME? A "REAL" WOMAN?
By Jeanete Howard

Growing up, I felt strangely alienated from other girls. But I
couldn't identify with boys either. I didn't seem to belong
anywhere. Who was I, anyway?

"Jeanette, stand in front of the mirror every morning and thank
God that He's made you a woman." This challenge came from a
teacher at the Bible school I attended as a young Christian.

What a ridiculous task! I thought, but reluctantly agreed.

The next morning I got up and struggled to look at myself in the
mirror. Try as I would, I could not acknowledge myself as female.

Day after day I persevered. For the first week I struggled to hold
my gaze at the mirror, unable to utter a word. After about ten days,
I was able to look at myself full face. But when it came to saying
anything, I just cried.

I couldn't speak, too frightened to acknowledge who I was. Only
after several weeks could I stand in front of the mirror and say,
"Thank you, Father, for making me a woman." No sentence has ever
been as hard to say as that one. For years, I'd felt detached from
my femininity.

"You should have been a boy," my mother told me numerous times
when I was little, and I had mentally agreed with her.

I'm stronger than most girls my age. I can play soccer with the best
of the boys. And I hate dolls. All good reasons not to be a girl,
I concluded.

My father encouraged my masculine pursuits, and I constantly
sought his approval. I was never close to my mother. We had so
little in common that I'd sometimes wonder, "Am I really her
daughter?"

When I was ten, I began attending an all-girls' school. I
struggled academically, but I did excel at sports, and was able
to achieve some semblance of self-esteem through that subject.

Early adolescence wasn't too bad. All the girls had crushes on
each other. We would practice getting married to each other at
recess, and pledge undying friendships for the rest of our lives.

But, one by one, my friends passed onto the next stage: almost
overnight, they became obsessed with boys.

I waited for my interests to change, but my same-sex desires only
deepened. By the age of 13, I knew that I wanted a woman to fill
the empty places I felt inside. I didn't tell anyone of my
struggles. Who could possibly understand?

There's only one way to stay close to my girlfriends, I reasoned.
I'll look like the men they admire. I had my hair cut like their
favorite pop star, and wore the clothes they liked on the men.

My plan didn't work. The girls soon ignored me, and I was left
feeling like a third sex. I didn't belong - either as one of the
boys or one of the girls.

At 18 I entered university and majored in physical education. My
doubts and fears about being gay were confirmed when I was seduced
by the senior female teacher.

That was the beginning of a torrid relationship which lasted four
years. The fact that my teacher had four children - the eldest being
only four years younger than I - added to my stress level. To deaden
my confusion, I drank heavily and dabbled in drugs.

After university, I became a teacher and house parent at a
girls' boarding school. I dearly loved the children, and
teaching provided stability in my life.

But, after several years, I sensed the need for a complete change.
Not being good at confrontation and feeling unable to break off my
current lesbian relationship, I took a job in Australia. With such
a grand gesture, I figured my partner would get the hint!

I moved to New South Wales in January 1983, and began working in an
all-girls' Christian school. It was a perfect set-up for God to
begin working in my life. The majority of the teachers were "born
again." The town was small and I was 500 miles from the nearest
gay bar.

My co-workers dubbed me the "happy heathen." When a few of them
tried to witness, I'd quickly change the subject. Conversely, I was
attracted to those who never spoke about the Gospel, but who had a
quality of life that intrigued me. There was something different
about their lives, but I wasn't sure exactly what.

Nine months later I became brave enough to borrow a Christian book
from another teacher. "I'll read it on one condition," I told her.
"Don't you dare tell anyone else about this!" I even hid the book
from my roommate, Sue, and only read at night in bed under the
covers!

Satan was fighting a battle for my soul. Unfortunately, as my
interest in God increased, so did my interest in Sue. We soon
became lovers.

The following weeks were euphoric; my senses were awakened, both
physically and spiritually. I wanted to be a Christian and remain
gay, yet I knew that homosexuality was contrary to God's plan.

I left Australia soon after Christmas, 1984. In my mind I was
leaving behind the one person I loved: Sue. It also felt like I
was abandoning my search for God.

Landing back in England on New Year's Eve, I immediately went to the
local gay club. What a shock! Even though there was lots of
laughter, all around me I saw lonely, hurting people. It was a
startling contrast to my Christian co-workers of the previous year.

"I've found something better," I told people for the rest of the
evening. "I don't know what it is, but I know that it's better
than this!"

I began avoiding the clubs, and spent the next month teaching by day
and feverishly reading my Bible at night. I missed Sue enormously
and ran up a colossal telephone bill telling her so, but our
physical separation was just what I needed to get my life on track
with God.

At 2:30 am on the night of January 23, 1985, I read John 15:16
"You did not choose me, but I chose and appointed you to go out
and bear fruit ..."

I finally understood. I'm not to choose God, just simply accept what
He's offering me. Instinctively I knew this meant turning away from
lesbianism. I began attending the local Baptist Church, and soon
warmed to the people's love and acceptance.

But I found it hard to associate with families at church. Up to now,
my life up had consisted of single career women. The only men I'd
ever known were rather weak and ineffective. They seemed totally
irrelevant. All a man could do was father a child - and I was in no
mood for children!

Another aspect of church was hard to accept: men seemed to be
running the whole show. Fortunately, God healed me quickly in this
area. He showed me that the male leadership was not "lording" it
over the women, but truly serving the congregation as a whole.

The Lord also showed me the important roles held by many of the
women, including the role of deaconess. This awareness helped me
submit to my church leadership very quickly.

Five months after my conversion, I felt God calling me into full-
time Christian work. I had no idea of the specifics, but my pastor
and the church membership confirmed the call.

I told one couple in the church about my lesbian struggles, and they
began to disciple me in order that I might know more of God's love.

Then, in January of 1987, my church sent me to a small Bible
school in North Wales, mainly to seek the Lord for my future. 
Within three days, I felt led to tell the school's leaders about
my past.

"We know," said David, one of the directors. "God has already
told us about you."

I was disgusted with God. "Isn't anything sacred?" I asked Him.
Obviously not, I decided, and soon afterward my lesbian problems
really surfaced. I became involved in a dependent relationship and
felt increasingly separated from God.

Then another issue came to the surface: unacceptance of my feminine
identity. I never considered myself to be a Christian woman, only a
Christian person. A visiting teacher challenged me to thank God that
I was a woman. I struggled for several weeks in front of a mirror to
say the words.

When God showed me that I was to confess my homosexual struggles to
my home church back in Battle, I panicked. "Surely they will reject
me", I thought. But upon my return home, I confessed my homosexual
past and my present struggles at a Sunday morning service.
Anticipating complete rejection, I had already prepared myself to
move on to another church. To my astonishment, the whole
congregation gave me a standing ovation. They pledged to help me in
any way they could.

In January 1988, with my church's full financial backing, I moved
to San Rafael to begin Love In Action's year-long program for women.
God began some intense healing.

One of my most traumatic times of the whole year occurred during a
"make-over session" organized by the ministry leaders. All the women
tried on different kinds of make-up, selected to complement our
skin, eyes and hair coloring.

I felt like a performing monkey throughout the afternoon, and
immediately removed all traces of make-up soon after the teacher
had left.

But, with the encouragement of other women in the program, I
persevered. Wearing make-up proved easier than receiving
recognition for wearing it. At first, when people noticed and
commented on how "pretty" and "feminine" I looked, I would rush
straight to the bathroom and wipe it off.

Gradually I learned to say "thank you" and smile. Internally,
however, I was still reeling. My outer appearance was not
reflecting my old identity.

Then came a breakthrough during a retreat in February 1989. 
"You have believed a lie," God told me, "But I'm going to change
your name." From now on, He showed me, I was to be called
"woman." This was God's intention for me from my conception.

In faith I received my new name. Almost immediately I felt a weight
fall away from me. In amazement, I looked around at the other women.
No longer did I feel distanced from them; we were united by a common
bond in Jesus Christ.

That day, the wall I had erected as a child came tumbling down. I
entered into my rightful role as a woman of Christ. I felt as though
I belonged - at long last.

As I have entered into my identity as a woman, God is healing my
views on men. Now I see them as having a major role in my life. We
complement each other, and I realize now that my life has been
enriched because of them.

Just the other day, in the middle of a conversation, I sensed God
smiling at me. There I was, sitting with a group of straight,
married women discussing colors, make-up and hairstyles!

The work God is doing isn't finished yet. But He's promised to
complete the good work He's begun in my life (see Phil. 1:6).

God has been faithful to me and I can face the future with
confidence. I'm secure in His love. After all, He knows me by
name.

Jeanette Howard is a women's counselor for Love In Action. She also
teaches "Inroads," her church's weekly discipleship program for
women. Originally from Battle, England, Jeanette has lived in
San Rafael since January 1988.
My Secret Past
My Secret Past by Lenny Luzzi
MY SECRET PAST
Lenny Luzzi

For 12 years, no one except my wife knew about my homosexual
background. Then came an unexpected opportunity. It was early
February in 1988. We had just celebrated our oldest son's fifth
birthday when the phone rang. It was my aunt Josephine calling from
San Francisco. "Your father has been hospitalized. It doesn't look
good."

Dad died about 36 hours later. I arrived from Seattle an hour before
his death, but he never even knew that I was there. My mother had
died three years before and so, at age 35, I was thrown into the
responsibility of being executor of my father's estate. A week
after Dad's funeral, my wife, Patty, and I flew home to Seattle.
The next day, we found ourselves sitting across from a friendly
young man at a bank where we were opening up an estate-related
account. His name was Nathan, and I remarked to Patty afterward
that I'd like to have lunch with him some day.

The opportunity came about a month later. Eventually we had lunch
together several times. One day, acting subdued and nervous, Nathan
told me that he was gay, had a lover of seven years, and they had
just built a home together. "Will you still be my friend?" Nathan
asked. I didn't answer his question directly, only responding,
"Next time we get together, I have a story to tell you."

Patty and I flew to San Francisco to prepare Dad's house for sale.
I agonized aloud and in prayer whether I should tell Nathan that I
used to be gay myself, and that, l5 years before, I had given my
life to Jesus Christ. I honestly feared rejection, as I had never
shared my story with anyone other than my wife. I decided with
God's help, I would tell Nathan everything, regardless of the
outcome.

The next week, we met for lunch, but all we had was a soda. Sitting
in my car for about an hour, I shared my whole story.

I was 11 years old, and I had been caught again. After placing my
hand on a Bible, Mom made me swear to God never to do "it" again.
This had been the third time since I was eight years old that I had
been caught with my older cousin playing with our private parts.
Mom sent me to my room where I waited for Dad to get home. He was
going to give me a spanking, Mom warned, and also tell me about
"the birds and the bees."

I waited in dread silence for Dad to come home and enter my room.
Now Dad is going to know our secret, I thought. It seemed like I
waited a whole year, listening for his heavy footsteps to approach
my bedroom door. It got dark outside and finally I fell asleep. My
fears were in vain. Dad never came in, he never spanked me - and he
never told me about sex.

Years later in high school, the only friends I had were a group of
Christians. I was raised Catholic and didn't really understand their
talk about a "personal relationship" with God. I knew about Christ,
and so figured that I was a Christian, too. In spite of my
ignorance, they invited me to every Bible study, youth rally, church
camp and service. I gladly went as I loved spending time with my
friends.

For several years I heard that God loved me and had a plan for my
life. But did that "wonderful plan" include me being gay?  No one
ever talked about homosexuality, and I wouldn't dare tell anyone
about my sexual desires for other men for fear of certain rejection.
I debated whether to share my secret with my best friend, Dave, but
I finally decided that he would never know. He was the one whose
rejection I feared the most.

Dave joined the Coast Guard about a year after high school. He was
my closest link to Christianity, and now he was going away. He gave
me his own Bible the day we said goodbye, then asked me to look up
a scripture he had marked after he was gone.

I practically ran back to my car, anxious to see what Dave wanted
me to read. The bookmark opened to 1 Corinthians 6, and the verses
highlighted were 9, 10 and 11.

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the
kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor
idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals ...
shall inherit the kingdom of God ..."

I sat there stunned. Dave knew that I was a homosexual! But it
hadn't stopped him from loving me and being my friend. If Dave can
love me, I thought, then maybe God can, too.

But there was still one problem. According to the scripture, I was
condemned. There was no room in God's kingdom for a homosexual. How
can God be fair? I wondered. First He made me this way and now He
condemns me! I shut the Bible, put it aside, and soon began to
pursue my secret lifestyle with abandon.

Several years later, my lover and I found an apartment in the Haight
District of San Francisco. He dropped me off at home so I could tell
my folks that I was moving in with a "roommate" the following week.

I walked into the house and thought that no one was home. Then I
heard Mom's voice calling from downstairs. She was standing in the
middle of the play room with my diary in her hands. She looked at me
with tears in her eyes. "Lenny, are you a homosexual?"

I couldn't lie. "Yes." My secret was finally out.

In her disgust and hurt, my mother called me "the scum of the
earth." My mind flashed back to the time 11 years before when she
had made me swear on the Bible. With determined resolve, I vowed
inside to stop being gay in order to heal my mother's deep hurt
and shame.

I still moved out of the house, but lived alone in an apartment.
My homosexual feelings, however, continued as strong as ever. Guilt
and hopelessness pushed me toward suicide. The Bible which my high
school friend had given me went with me to my new apartment, and at
times I was compelled to read it. God opened the pages to the most
pertinent passages. Jesus was powerfully knocking at the door to
my heart.

One day I flipped open to the familiar passage in 1 Corinthians 6.
My eyes were drawn to a solitary word in verse 11 which I had
previously missed. "And such WERE some of you."

Were, I thought, noting the past tense. "WERE." I pondered the
implications of that little word. God must be fair, I reasoned. He
wouldn't 't just condemn me for being gay without making a way for
me to be straight. He must be fair! A flicker of hope began
stirring.

There was no one I could talk to, no one else I knew who had
changed, and no books to read on the subject. All I had was a
single word from God: "were."

On my knees, I prayed alone in my apartment. "OK, Jesus, I'm giving
You a chance. I'll take You at Your word, and trust You to change me
from this moment on."

The following six months, I determined that I was no longer gay,
despite inner feelings to the contrary. With God's grace and
increasing hunger for Him, I began the process of severing my gay
relationships, choosing not to make anonymous contacts, and avoiding
bathhouses.

I filled my time with Bible study, church and Christian friends,
none of whom knew my struggle. I was tempted - and even fell into
occasional homosexual acts. But still I believed that I was no
longer gay. Jesus had said "were" - and that included me.

My desire for more spiritual growth eventually led me to quit my job
and join an evangelistic ministry called "Youth With A Mission."
Five days after arriving in Hawaii, I was baptized in the Pacific
Ocean. I came out of the water feeling clean and joyful.

That night at a healing service, I felt compelled to confess my
secret sin publicly to about 60 other young people. The very thing
I feared the most - confession - released the power of God's Spirit
in me, and my guilt from the past finally vanished. I was a new man,
thanks to Jesus, my new love.

God was faithful to me and true to His Word. A new heterosexual
identity began to come forth in my life as I walked in obedience to
Him. I was not satisfied with receiving salvation, yet remaining
gay. That was not my idea of God's promise, "and such were some of
you." I expected Jesus to give me complete victory over my past,
and I wanted that to include a wife and family.

Then I met Patty. She and I worked together on an evangelism team
for about six months. She became a great friend, and over time we
discovered many compatibilities. She was an attractive, cheerful,
and popular woman who loved God and was accustomed to the attention
of other men. Is she God's choice for me? I wondered.

Several events confirmed that our relationship was in God's
will, which gave me the courage to suggest marriage to Patty. 
Boy, did that change everything! Suddenly we were no longer
"just friends."

Later, I proposed to Patty at a ski lodge in Montana. "Why do
you want to marry me?" she asked. "Because God told me to," I
responded, much to her initial disappointment! (Of course, she
was hoping to hear the romantic reply, "Because I love you.")

Then, waves of fear and panic washed over me. I sensed the time
had come to tell Patty the truth about my past. As I poured out
my story, she sat with her arms around me, drying my tears. 
"Lenny, it doesn't matter to me who you were," she said softly.
"I know who you are now - in Christ."

At that moment, I still lacked much depth of emotional feelings
for Patty, but I knew our relationship was right. In the
following months, my feelings of love grew slowly, as I
contemplated the commitment we would make together in marriage.

"Patty and I have now been happily married for 12 years," I
concluded. "God has added two wonderful sons to our family, and
we're enjoying His life for us." I looked over at Nathan,
sitting quietly in the front seat of my car. He had been quiet
the whole time.

I asked him if he would like to get together again. I was
surprised at his response. Yes, he wanted to hear more about
God and the possibility of change.

Over the next few months, my continued witness paid off. Nathan
received the Lord, attended church and began the difficult
process of leaving his lover. He eventually joined a missionary
training organization overseas.

Through witnessing to Nathan, I discovered a powerful lesson. 
God could use my past to win others to Himself. I determined to
be more open about my homosexual background.

Since that time, I've had many other opportunities to share
God's work in my life. My past is no longer a secret. I'm
changed - and I can't keep it to myself any longer. 

EPILOGUE: Several months after Nathan's conversion, Lenny felt
strongly compelled during prayer to witness to Nathan's
ex-lover, Randy. Lenny and Randy met the next week at a Seattle
restaurant. After hearing Lenny's testimony, Randy also
accepted Christ and left homosexuality. Today, two years later,
Randy works alongside Lenny and his wife in ex-gay ministry in
the Seattle area.
Out of Prison
Out of Prison by Dawn Killion
OUT OF PRISON
by Dawn Killion

"I don't want to go to hell," I thought. "But I was born gay, so
there's no way to change." After that I drank even more to numb the
pain and guilt inside.

I looked around the crowded courtroom. I knew I was guilty of a
pretty serious crime. Six months before, two other women and myself
had set fire to a naval building in Jacksonville, Florida. The
structure was totally destroyed. Now the case was over, and I was
about to be sentenced. I held my breath as the judge looked down
at me.

"Young lady, you are guilty of willful destruction of federal
property. I sentence you to seven years in prison."

I suddenly felt winded, like someone had punched me in the stomach.
Seven years in prison! I couldn't believe it. How had I gotten
myself into such a mess?

Actually, it wasn't much of a surprise to anyone that my life had
come to this. I was only 23, but I'd been going down the wrong path
for years.

All my life I felt different from other girls. I believed God had
made a mistake - I should have been born a boy. "God, please change
me into a boy," I used to pray. "Then people will like me and accept
me." Being a "tomboy," people said that I looked and acted more like
a boy than a girl. Those comments hurt deep inside. I felt rejected;
I didn't like being a girl.

As I entered the sixth grade, I became aware of my sexuality.
Physically I still looked more like a boy and the other kids made
fun of me. One day I heard someone use the word, "homo." I asked
someone what it meant. As soon as they told me, I knew I was one.
But I kept my discovery to myself.

My parents were good people and they did their best to love me, but
I was emotionally troubled. They could not reach me. My mom and I
fought all the time. We disagreed about almost everything. My two
younger sisters were very feminine, and I couldn't relate to them.
They thought I was weird. My older brother and I did not relate
either. I felt like the "black sheep" of the family. I just didn't
fit in.

I became increasingly rebellious. I refused to obey anyone, and I
was always in trouble. In junior high I began to use cigarettes,
drugs and alcohol. Soon I was failing in school.

At age 13 I developed a serious crush on my P.E. teacher. She was
my idol. Though I was failing everywhere else, I excelled in
athletics. My mother noticed my preoccupation with this woman and
even asked me if I thought I might be a lesbian. Of course I denied
it, but I knew it was true.

I started running away from home just to get the attention and
sympathy of my girlfriends. I would lie, telling them stories of how
badly my parents treated me. My friends would feel sorry for me. I
used self-pity as a way to get love and approval. I was desperate
for acceptance.

I dropped out of school at the age of 15. I fell into a deep
depression and would sleep for l5-16 hours a day, then stay up
during the night watching old movies on television. Finally, at 16,
I left home for good. I met a girl who introduced me to the world
of sex, LSD and rock 'n' roll. I became sexually promiscuous with
men. I was looking for love but only found more pain. On my 17th
birthday, I almost died from an overdose of drugs. I was miserable.

At age l8, I joined the army. I'd heard they had a lot of lesbians.
"That's what I am, so it's time to start living like one," I told
myself.

I began basic training and soon had my first female lover. However,
my army days lasted a grand total of eight months. I was more
interested in my new lifestyle than in pursuing a military career.
I had fallen in love with the bar life: drinking, dancing and
spending as much time as possible with other gay women.

When my lover left me for another woman, it was devastating. I
began going from one relationship to another, looking for the
perfect lover to spend the rest of my life with. None of the
relationships lasted very long.

Although I'd believed in Jesus since I was a little girl, I didn't
know much about the Bible, except for stories I'd heard in Sunday
School. But I tried to live by those stories, being kind, forgiving
and generous. I'd heard it was wrong to be gay. I even read it once
in the Bible and it scared me.

"I don't want to go to hell," I thought. But I was born gay, so
there's no way to change. I drank even more to numb the guilt
inside.

Then I joined the navy when I was 21 and ended up in Jacksonville,
Florida, working on a tug boat. Drinking took over my life. I went
through several alcohol rehabilitation programs. Finally the navy
diagnosed me as a "hopeless, chronic alcoholic." In September 1979,
I was discharged. Because of my work record, I received an honorable
discharge, despite my problems with alcohol.

Just after getting out of the navy, I found a new lover. She helped
me to stop drinking and get my life back together. I got more
interested in gay rights. My lover and I travelled to Washington,
D.C. to participate in the first National Gay and Lesbian March in
October 1979. Homosexuals from all over the world gathered near
the Washington Monument to hold a three-day protest for gay rights.

I was charged up as never before in my life. I felt my calling was
to fight for the rights of my people" and to become politically
active.

Two weeks later, a close friend in the navy tried to kill herself.
She was being discharged for being gay. When her lover came over
at 3 a.m., I had been drinking and dropping acid.

In my drug-induced state, I decided to retaliate against the navy
by throwing a Moletov cocktail at the NIS (Naval Investigative
Service) building on base. I put some kerosene in a bottle filled
with rags and two friends went with me over to the NIS building.
The fire we started was a lot bigger than we expected. The whole
building burned down and we were eventually caught and sentenced.

In prison, I began to sober up. I couldn't drink as much as
before, and I began seeking God. I knew He'd been watching over
me because I was still alive.

God must have a purpose for my life, I thought. I wanted to know
what it was. My little sister and her husband were praying for me,
and had asked their whole church to also pray. When I talked to
them, I could sense God's love for me.

I had also noticed a group of Christian women inmates who
frequently prayed together inside the prison. I knew one of them
- she had recently become a Christian and had given up being gay.

"Dawn, can we pray for your knee?" she asked me one day. She knew I
was going in for surgery, due to an injury. "I believe God can
heal you."

I agreed. Besides asking the Lord to heal my knee, some of them
quietly began rebuking evil spirits in my life. As they prayed, I
felt increasingly light and joyful, like a thousand pounds were
being lifted from my shoulders.

A couple of weeks later, I picked up a book about the Bible that my
sister and her husband had sent me. As I looked at it, the thought
struck me: Maybe the Bible is true. I got my Bible and opened it up.
As I began reading, the words pierced my heart. I knew it was true
and that homosexuality was not God's will for me. I knelt down
beside my bed and asked Jesus to take over my life.

"Jesus, I'm sorry for my sins," I prayed. "I know it's wrong to be
gay. I'm willing to give that up to You. Please help me to change."

I said that prayer nine years ago, and God heard my heart's cry.
I was released from prison after two-and-a-half years. I got
involved in a good church, leading Bible studies and doing prison
evangelism. All I wanted to do was tell others about Christ and
serve Him in whatever way I could.

I had been a Christian for almost four years when I began to
experience homosexual temptations again. I had met two gay women on
the job. I tried to witness to them, but before long. I was being
wrongly influenced by them. I had left my church because of some
false teaching, and I had no church body to help me. My friends
tried to help but they didn't know how, and I became more and
more isolated.

After several months of extreme loneliness, I gave in to the desire
to drink. On several occasions, I drank and then found myself going
to a women's gay bar. I felt desperate for relief from my loneliness
and isolation.

After a few times of doing this, I felt totally devastated. How
could I do this to the Lord after all He had done for me?
Broken-hearted, I cried out to Him for help.

Then a woman at Bible study heard about my background. "There's a
ministry in San Rafael, California," she told me. "It's for people
coming out of homosexuality. You should phone them."

Satan tried to tell me it was hopeless, but I finally called
Love In Action and talked to Anita Worthen. She invited me to one
of the Friday night open meetings for women.

During the meeting, I was so excited. Here were other women just
like me, who loved the Lord with all their hearts but who also
struggled with homosexual feelings. Shortly after that, Anita
invited me to move into one of the live-in houses and I jumped at
the chance.

That was three years ago, and the Lord has done much healing in me
since then. I feel like a totally different person. The program
helped me understand what led me into lesbianism in the first
place. Gradually, I have learned how to gain victory over the
emotions that took me astray.

The program wasn't easy. Many times I wanted to run, but the LIA
leaders stuck with me, loving me and offering encouragement that
God was doing a deep work of healing in my life. The program
also provided me with a safe and nurturing environment, a sense
of family and support that I really needed.

Today, I know that my involvement in the lesbian lifestyle for
almost eight years was just the outward manifestation of a
deeply-wounded little girl who never felt loved. But the Lord
has done a tremendous work, exposing and pulling up the different
"root" causes of my choice to go into homosexuality. He has also
healed my relationship with my parents - especially my mother. He
has given us back the love that Satan tried to destroy.

Ironically, my true freedom began while I was still incarcerated.
Though I was surrounded by prison walls, Jesus gave me a liberty
I'd never known before. Now I know that freedom isn't a matter of
location; it's a matter of the heart. I'm out of prison for good.

(Dawn has been involved with prison ministry periodically for the
past nine years. She is now a member of the jail ministry team at
Church of the Open Door (San Rafael, California) and the spiritual
coordinator for the church's singles ministry. She graduated from
Love In Action's 1988 live-in program.)

Biblical Department
Witnessing Column (Part 1)
Witnessing Column (Part 1)
WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS GAY
By Sy Rogers

CASE 1:

Susan and Carol had been friends for years. Because of their close
relationship, it was no secret that Carol and her husband were
having marital problems. One day, while having lunch together, Carol
admitted she had something to confess something important. Susan
sensed the apprehension in Carol's voice: "A divorce, Susan thought,
she's getting a divorce!"

Taking a deep breath, Carol began: "It's so scary for me to tell you
this but I have to. I can't keep on pretending. I just don't want it
to affect our friendship, you're like a sister to me!"

Susan reached across the table, taking Carol's hand. "What is it,
Carol - is it your marriage? Whatever it is, you can tell me ..."

Tears began to well up in Carol's eyes. "Susan, it's not the
marriage - that would make this easier I think. It's me. I ...I'm
gay. I'm a lesbian."

CASE 2:

As she passed her son's room, she noticed the white piece of paper
taped to the middle of the door. A note from Mark. She knew
something was wrong. She took the note into the kitchen, sat down
and began to read:

"Dear Mom and Dad,
Since you both know about me being gay, I have decided it would be
best for all of us if I moved out. I know how you feel, and I don't
want to make things worse. I'll be staying with some friends for a
while. I guess this means putting college on hold too, but please
try not to worry about me. I'll make it. I'm really sorry I've let
you down. I'm sorry for the big fight the other night. I didn't want
you to find out that way, but I guess it's just as well you know.
Most of all, I'm sorry you don't understand about me. I'll be in
touch - Love, Mark"

She laid the note aside. "Is this really happening," she thought.
"It seems so strange, only a few days ago everything was normal.
Then I had to be the one to find his 'dirty' magazines ... and
those letters! I had to be the one to confront him, and push him
into telling me the truth. Why did I ever tell his father? And now,
she asked herself, will anything ever be normal for us again?"

UNPREPARED ...

An event most people are totally unprepared for is the discovery
that someone close to them is gay. Whether the confession of gayness
comes from a son or daughter, husband, wife or close friend, the
reaction is often the same: "What do I say to them now?", "How can
I help?", and sometimes, "Could I be partly to blame for this
situation?"

The impact of learning someone close to you is gay can be as great
as if that person had died. Suddenly, your expectations and hopes
for his future may never be realized. Often, a variety of emotions
common to the grieving process surface. First comes the shock,
denial and disbelief, followed by a rush of shame, anger and tears.
Depression, even physical symptoms of distress may result. Almost
always there are tremendous feelings of guilt ("Where did I go
wrong?"), especially true with parents and the spouses of gays.
Anger and resentment may grow into bitterness ("How could you do
this to me!"), if un-forgiveness is harbored. The grieving process
will pass in its intensity, especially as you yield your hurt and
struggle to God, trusting Him to help.

The purpose of this tract is to help the friends and families of
gays deal with their own reactions to homosexuality, and to help
them respond to homosexuals in a positive, Christian way.

THERE IS HOPE ...

First, there is HOPE for YOU! Apart from the need of your gay loved
one, God desires to help you deal with this situation.  God does not
want to see you overcome with frustration and despair. We have the
promises of God. Apply them to your situation. God tells us that as
we humble ourselves and seek to obey Him, regardless of what we
face, He will supply us with the power to do what is right. He
promises to give us wisdom if we ask. He promises to comfort and
strengthen us in time of need. He promises that His grace will keep
us from being overwhelmed by our circumstances. His grace also
supplies us with the faith we need to trust our loved one into His
capable care. He can give us the patience to wait on Him to work
in his life. He can supply us with the ability to forgive and
demonstrate love toward those who have hurt and shamed us. God can
teach us to see circumstances from HIS perspective and then we see
that all things ARE possible with God. "ALL things" includes
freedom from homosexuality! Then we see that there IS hope!

This is the second point: Not only is there hope for you, there
IS hope for the homosexual. There lS a way out of homosexuality for
those who want it! Although homosexual behavior is consistently
condemned throughout Scripture as is all sin, there is also Biblical
record of people being set free from homosexuality
(1 Corinthians 6:9-11). Remember, where God requires us to change to
obey His standards, He has the power to make that change possible in
our lives. This is true for the homosexual, just as it is true for
the prostitute, the addict and all who need Jesus!

Though your friend or loved one is involved in homosexuality that
doesn't mean he always will be. Many men and women around the world
have been (and are being) set free from homosexuality. God doesn't
play favorites. Your loved one can be free too but it may not happen
overnight. God's Spirit must be the One to draw him. Therefore, your
only hope is in the power of an unlimited God!

STEPS YOU CAN TAKE:

1. GET A HOLD OF YOUR EMOTIONS. After the bomb has been dropped in
your lap, it may be difficult to gain control of your emotional
reaction (especially true in a confrontation). While emotional
reactions are part of being human, try not to let your feelings get
out of control. In your anger sin not. Try to limit your immediate
reaction to lessen the strain on your relationship with the gay
person. If you've already had a 'blow up,' you can always work
toward reconciliation.

2. FORGIVE. Release your anger, hurt and shame through forgiveness.
This prevents bitterness from setting in and speeds healing to you
and your relationship with the gay person. In addition to forgiving
those who have hurt you, ask God to forgive you for anything in your
past that may have contributed to this situation. With God's
forgiveness, you need not remain a prisoner to GUILT and
condemnation. Once you've received His forgiveness for any failure
on your part, mark the date on your calendar. Remind yourself and
the devil that on that date you know God forgave you for your past
mistakes.

3. GET GOD'S PERSPECTIVE. Get your attitude in line with God's Word.
Having a gay loved one is not the end of the world.  Homosexuality
is sin. It is not the worst sin. It is not 'incurable.' God doesn't
hate homosexuals either. As a matter of fact, He loves them and
wants to redeem them. He sees their need for love, acceptance and
identity, and longs to meet these needs. Jesus did not condemn the
prostitute, traitor, adulteress, thief or murderer. Instead He
offered them another chance at life. Jesus showed them a way to
become pleasing to God. He offers this same new I life to the
homosexual. As mentioned earlier, 'all things' are possible with
God, including freedom from homosexuality. There is Biblical record
of homosexuals being changed by God's power. Share this hope with
your gay friend or loved one.

4. KEEP LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN. Use good judgment in sharing
with the gay person. Our words can either build up or tear down.
Don't make every visit or conservation a sermon on sin. Avoid
arguing, be a listener. The gay person needs to know that he can
at least talk to you, especially when he is hurting. Pray for wisdom
in communicating God's standard. Encourage the gay person to see
Jesus in a positive light, as a person who loves, cares and wants
to help.

5. DEMONSTRATE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE. Sometimes our love must be firm.
The Christian cannot compromise God's standards or condone sin.
However, it is vital that the gay friend or loved one understand
that your disapproval of his sinful behavior is NOT a rejection of
him. Maintaining God's standards often puts us in the place of
drawing the line on a person because of sin. This can be painful and
necessary in some instances. But we can still demonstrate love and
concern for the gay person in many practical ways. Be willing to
talk and listen. Don't be afraid to hug or touch. Don't exclude the
gay person from your life and activities. The gay person may resent
your stand on sin, and may isolate or withdraw himself from you. Yet
you need not be the one to turn your back on him. You may be an
important link between that individual and God, if not now, perhaps
later. So guard your witness. Maintain God's standards, but love the
gay person too.

6. LET GO. One of the most difficult of all these steps, is having
to trust your loved one into the care of God. Let him go. You can't
save that person. You can't stop him from pursuing the gay life.
You're not in control, God is! You must learn to trust God to draw
your loved one by His Spirit. Trust Him to protect your loved one.
God's desire is to set him free from sin and deception. Remember, He
loves the one you love even more than you!

7. PRAY, FAST AND WAIT. You can pray! You can fast! Prayer
combined with fasting is a powerful spiritual weapon. Like it or
not, it's going to take much prayer and fasting, but for the sake of
a friend or loved one, isn't the sacrifice worth it? Jesus knew
prayer and fasting got results. He practiced it, as did His
disciples. Throughout the Bible, when men and women faced difficult
circumstances, they prayed and fasted. God often responded in
miraculous ways. Read and study ISAIAH chapter 58, the chapter on
the purpose and power of fasting.

Though God does answer our prayers, He rarely answers them when or
how we want. We want to see our loved one free now! But God's timing
is perfect. His methods are perfect. So in addition to everything
else, wait on Him to work in the life of your loved one. Use the
waiting period as an opportunity to strengthen your faith and trust
in the Lord. He hears you. He WILL help you!

FINALLY ...

IF YOU are having a difficult time dealing with any person because
of his homosexuality, then you need to take a look at your attitude
- and get it right. Being squeamish about homosexuality is one
thing. But having a reaction of revulsion, hostility or violence
toward the gay person is sin. It is called 'Homophobia,' an
irrational fear or hostility toward homosexuals. Homophobia is a
defensive reaction, often masking insecurity or fears about one's
own sexual identity. Needless to say, Homophobia hinders the
effectiveness of your witness.  Fortunately, the Lord can set you
free from this sinful attitude, and deliver you from any fears or
insecurities too!

IF YOU suspect that a loved one is involved in homosexuality (or any
other form of immorality), try not to panic or lose your temper.
Rather, in firm love and honesty, confront the person with what you
suspect. Don't accuse!! Be prepared for lies and covering up,
defiant admission that it's all true, or a brokenhearted confession
of guilt. Also remember, the person may truly by innocent of any
wrong doing. When the situation reaches this point, or is headed
in this direction, seek Christ centered counseling for yourself, and
if possible, for your loved one. Remember to see Christ as your
hope, knowing "That all things work together for good to them that
love God, to them that are called according to His purpose"
Romans 8:28.

SCRIPTURE:

HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIOR: Leviticus 18:22, 20:13, Romans 1:20-32, 1st
Corinthians 6:9-11, 1st Timothy 1:9-10.

SEXUAL IMMORALITY: 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, Romans 6:12-13,
Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3:5-6, 1st Thessalonians 4:3-8.

ENCOURAGING SCRIPTURES: Romans 7:14-24, 8:1-3, 1 Corinthians
6:9-11, 2nd Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 2:1-10, Hebrews 12:5-17,
2nd Peter 1:3-11, 1st John 1:9, 2nd Timothy 4:18 and Jude 17-25.

Portions of this article contain information made available
through EXODUS INTERNATIONAL and its affiliates. COPYRIGHT 1984

Reprinted with permission from ELEUTH EROS 1298 Minnesota Ave.,
Suite D - Winter Park, FL 32789
Witnessing Column (Part 2)
Witnessing Column (Part 2)
MY FRIEND IS STRUGGLING WITH HOMOSEXUALITY: HOW DO I RELATE?
Provide by LOVE IN ACTION, P.O. BOX 2655, San Rafael, CA 94912

For the most part, relating to a friend with homosexual problems is
the same as relating to any friend! But there are some special ways
a person from a non-gay background can minister to a close friend
who struggles with gayness. Through correspondence, counseling and
experience, we've noted that there are some differences in our
responses depending on whether the friend is of the same or the
opposite sex. Here are some things to be aware of in four specific
situations:

If you are the FEMALE friend of a GUY struggling with gayness:
--------------------------------------------------------------

Special Opportunities ...

You can be someone he can share with openly. Many former gays say
their first attempt at sharing about their homosexual struggles
happened with female friends.

You can offer affirmation and encouragement. You can pray for your
friend and be a godly influence in his life, sharing Christ and
presenting the hope of change.

You can direct him to ministries or counselors skilled in helping
people come out of homosexuality.

Special Cautions ...

Be careful of falling in love with your friend and "waiting" for God
to change him. Many ex-gays do marry, but most have left their sin
and received much of their healing before they become involved with
the woman they marry.

Try not to "mother" your friend and take care of him out of pity.
You might be cushioning him from the effects of his sin.

Try to maintain other healthy, committed friendships with other
Christians, both men and women. You need the balance in perspective!

If you are the FEMALE friend of a WOMAN struggling with gayness:
----------------------------------------------------------------

Special Opportunities ...

You can be a channel of God's healing to your friend through your
love and acceptance. You can provide and example of what a godly,
non-sexual friendship is like.

You can help your friend break old patterns by; not giving in to
manipulation (self-pity, subtle emotional demands, etc.), remaining
constant and faithful and holding her accountable for her end of the
relationship, developing mutuality rather than dependency.

Special Cautions ...

Don't assume you won't be tempted sexually or emotionally even if
you've never had homosexual temptations before. This is especially
true if you are emotionally needy or have a "need to be needed."

Watch out for jealousy and possessiveness. Maintain other close
friendships, too.

Realize you are one of many people God wants to use in your
friend's life to minister to her. Don't play God!

If you are the MALE Friend of a GUY struggling with gayness:
------------------------------------------------------------

Special Opportunities ...

You can help build confidence in your friend's life through your
acceptance of him as another man.

You can help dispel his homosexual identity by being honest about
your own life, sharing your weaknesses and fears as well as
strengths. This helps him overcome the thinking, "I'm like this
because I'm gay"

You can offer to be prayer partners, providing mutual support
and encouragement in times of stress and temptation.

You can be challenged to examine your own commitment to Christ in
the area of your sexuality. If you've surrendered this area to
Christ and are living in freedom from sexual sin, you'll be able to
minister to your friend.

Special Cautions ...

Try not to focus on your friend's homosexual problems. The root
problems behind gayness (envy, loneliness, fears of 'not being
masculine') are things you may have struggled with. Build on the
similarities in your lives, not the differences.

Don't allow your friend to become too dependent on you or put you on
a pedestal. This might be evident through excessive emotional or
time demands, continual praise of you while putting himself down.
If this happens, confront him gently.

Don't put off confronting your friend for fear of "blowing him
away." We all need tough love at times. Your friend can take it.

Don't pressure your friend to date girls or brag about your
heterosexual interests. If your attitudes toward the opposite sex
are healthy and appreciative, that will speak for itself.

If you are the MALE friend of a WOMAN struggling with gayness:
--------------------------------------------------------------

Special opportunities ...

You can bring healing to your friend's life by being a friend and
brother to her, relating to her as a woman as well as a person.

You can help each other grow by having fun together, encouraging
each other in your faith in Christ.

You can help her overcome fears and wrong images of men by
respecting her and allowing her to get to know you without
putting romantic or sexual expectations on the friendship.

Special Cautions ...

Don't be afraid to share your weaknesses and struggles with her.
Avoid presenting a "macho" attitude.

Don't allow yourself to be dominated or controlled by the
friendship. Express yourself!

Though she may have many of the same interests and ideas you do,
avoid treating her totally as a "buddy." Remind her from time to
time that you are aware of her female gender. Express
appreciation of her in gentle, non-pressure ways.

Used by permission.
CrossOver
P.0. Box 23744, Lexington, KY 40523-3744
(606) 277-4941
New In Christ
New In Christ
"New in Christ" is a regular MORNING STAR column written primarily
for people who wish to learn more about the basic teachings of
Biblical Christianity. In this issue we begin a series on the Bible
itself - the "Measure of Truth" that God gave us to live by.

The editorial staff of MORNING STAR encourages all readers to freely
use this information to help new Christians grow in their walk with
the Lord.

------------------------------------------------------------------

THE MEASURE OF TRUTH

Even if you believe God exists, there is one very important thing
you should do each time before you start reading the Bible. Always
ask God to help you understand the truth in what you are about to
read. Don't think that just because you're a good reader or smart
that it should all make perfect sense to you. Many "wise" people
don't comprehend the Bible, as they approach it from an intellectual
point of view. It doesn't work that way (Luke 10:21, 1 Corinthians
1:20,21; 1:26-32; 2:4,5). 

The Bible is a book of God's spiritual thoughts put into words. To
truly understand His word requires spiritual understanding
(Luke 24:45) which you only get by asking God for it (1 Corinthians
2:10-16). If you read the Bible like an ordinary book, not sincerely
asking God's help in studying it, you won't fully understand all of
its truths (Colossians 1:9,10, Ephesians 1:17). Or if you read it
with inflexible religious or cult beliefs, and not with an open mind
and heart, you'll also miss the boat.

Anyone who says that there is no way to correctly interpret the Word
of God should make it a point to read 1 Corinthians 2:10-16. It says
that if someone doesn't comprehend the truths of the Bible, it's
because they don't have the correct type of understanding, which is
spiritual understanding. It's not the material (the Bible) that
can't be understood, it's the student that must learn how to
understand it. If you were a child and came home and told your folks
that you had flunked a test because the material didn't make sense,
wouldn't they say that it didn't make sense to you? They certainly
wouldn't run down to the school to have the textbook removed because
it was unlearnable. Rather, they would find out what you weren't
doing right in studying and correct it. So if you trust a mere
schoolboard to provide material that has truth in it and can be
learned, there's all the more reason to trust that God has provided
us with His "textbook" which also can be learned. The key to knowing
the truth of God's word is to accept Christ (become born again) and
thereby receive the guiding help of the Holy Spirit. He is the
actual author that inspired the human authors as to what to write
(1 Peter 1:10-12; 2 Peter 1:20-21) and illuminates believers to
proper spiritual understanding. 

Some people say they aren't sure that God really gave us His Word in
a written form to live by. They claim to believe in God, but
apparently feel He dumped us on this planet to figure everything out
on our own, without telling us what is right from wrong, or how to
run our lives and get to heaven to be with Him one day. This is not
a definition of a creative God by any stretch of the imagination.
You might as well believe in the "Big Bang" theory or some other
human concoction. There are also those who say that only certain
parts of the Bible are God's word while other are not. I ask, which
parts? How about the part that says that all of the Bible is God's
word (2 Timothy 3:16)? To reject even the smallest part of the Bible
is to void the worth of the entire book. Who would feel comfortable
not knowing if the verses they depended on for their salvation were
the "right ones"? Who would get the job of telling the rest of us
which passages are from God and which aren't? Finally, the argument
that the true meaning could have been lost through translation into
English, doesn't hold water either. The original Greek and Hebrew
texts are still available for comparison, and all top Bible scholars
agree that today's English versions are as precisely translated as
possible and quite accurate. To those who don't know why they should
accept the Bible as God's word compared to all the other "holy"
books of other religions, here is something to consider. No other
book on Earth has made any of the scientific, historical and
(especially) prophetical statements that the Bible has. Other books
are full of philosophy and mythology, but none dare to make claims
concerning the hidden things of the past (that might be discovered
one day) or predict events of the future. Only the Bible does this.
Year after year, many historical and scientific claims of the Bible
are being proved correct through geological excavations and advances
in science.

Here are a few examples of the Bible and science. For the most part,
people didn't believe the Earth was round until the fifteenth
century, though the Bible spoke of the circle of the Earth in the
Old Testament seven centuries before Christ (Isaiah 40:22). The
Bible even states in the book of Job, written around 1500 B.C.,
that the earth was suspended in space (Job 26:7). Sir Isaac Newton
was the first to confirm this over three thousand years later in
1687 A.D. The Bible also told of the innumerable number of the
stars (Genesis 15:5; Jeremiah 33:22; Hebrews 11:12), existence of
canyons and mountains on the ocean floor (2 Samuel 22:16; Jonah 2:6)
springs and fountains in the sea (Genesis 7:11, 8:2; Proverbs 8:28),
and ocean currents (Psalms 8:8). These, and other scientific claims,
were written hundreds of years before Christ, and only discovered in
the last couple of centuries.

Here's an interesting fact: Jesus, speaking of a single future event
at His second coming, said some people would be fast asleep at
night, others making the morning meal and still others out working
in the fields when it happened (Luke 17:34-36). Night, morning and
afternoon at the same time around the world. Jesus was talking in
terms of time zones long before any man thought of it!

The greatest evidence the Bible presents, however, deals with
prophecy. There are been many predictions in the Bible dealing with
nations, cities, individuals (especially Jesus) events and time
periods, which have come true. Not one has failed to occur. Of
course there are some, dealing with Christ's second coming, which
won't be fulfilled until His return. Actually, some of these have
already been fulfilled or are in the process thereof, such as the
re-creation of the nation of Israel, as forecast in Ezekiel,
chapters 36 and 37. You can search through the "holy" books of every
religion on earth and you won't find a single piece of fulfilled
prophecy. Not one. Space is too limited here to record all there is
on this matter, but there are a number of Christian books dealing
with this subject if you want to learn more about it.

Another remarkable fact about the Bible is that it wasn't written
by one person over a period of one lifetime. It was written by 40
different people, in different parts of the known world, over a
time frame of around 1600 years. Yet all the books are part of the
same specific message concerning man's relationship with God and
how Christ fits into the equation. How this can be simply can't be
explained, until you realize that there is really only one author
to the whole Bible, God Himself. He inspired people (through the
Holy Spirit) to record His words so that we would have them in
writing with us through history. And despite numerous all out
attempts by religious and pagan groups to destroy the Bible
throughout the centuries, it has survived and flourished. That in
itself is a miracle when you consider how other great philosophical
writings which men have never persecuted, and in fact tried to
preserve over the centuries, have often partially or totally
vanished.

"Do you have to read the Bible to be a Christian?" A couple of good
replies might be "Why wouldn't you want to?" Or, "Could you call
yourself an engineer without reading and knowing your job manual?"
But the best answer (as always) is found in God's word. Many people
would not have found the truth about what it means to be a real
Christian, had they not read John 3:3 and other related passages.
The Bible states that true faith comes from hearing the word of God
(Romans 10:17). Jesus had a lot to say in the Gospels concerning
studying the Bible:

1. We are to live our lives by it. (Matthew 4:4)
2. We can only avoid being in error by knowing it. (Mark 12:24)
3. We are blessed when we hear it and keep it. (Luke 11:28)
4. If we know and keep it, we will never die. (John 8:51)
5. If we are truly his followers we will know and follow it.
(John 8:31)
6. Our lives are made clean by it. (John 15:3)

There are even more reasons given to us in the New Testament
letters concerning why we were to know God's word:

1. We find out what God wants us to do by it. (Ephesians 5:17)
2. It makes us wise and able to teach others. (Colossians 3:16)
3. We are to feed on it, like a baby does with milk. (1 Peter 2:2)

If you belong to a particular religion (whether you practice all of
its teachings or not) ask yourself this: How do I know if the
spiritual beliefs which my religion teaches are the right ones?
Do you answer: Because they say they are? Because I think they are?
Because my folks told we they are? If you think about it, are those
really legitimate answers? Jesus warned about following religious
teachings that were based on anything but the word of God
(Matthew 15:9). The only measure of truth you have to test what
people tell you is right is God's word. There is nothing else in the
world that is infallible. When the apostles first went out to spread
the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they gave a lot of credit to those
people who didn't just take their word as truth, but checked their
scriptures (Old Testament predictions about Jesus) to see if what
they were preaching was true (Acts 17:11). When we study the Bible
we not only prevent ourselves from being deceived, but also gain
God's approval by showing ourselves to be His workmen, always
seeking His instruction (2 Timothy 2:15).

If you consider yourself to be a Christian, ask yourself this: 
Would you be ready and able to correctly answer the questions of
someone who wanted to know about certain things the Bible says? 
Or what God says it means to be a Christian? Or what God would say
about certain things in their life? The Lord says that his people
should be ready to answer those who have questions with His word, at
all times (1 Peter 3:15). Knowledge of the Bible is the only way to
answer the questions of non-Christians, teach God's will to new
Christians and correct the error of false Christians
(2 Timothy 3:15-17). No matter how long you've been born again or
how strong you think your faith is, you should always continue
studying God's word. The apostle Paul (in many Christians' opinions,
the most dedicated Christian that ever lived) when approaching his
death, asked for some of his personal belonging to be brought to
him. What did he want more than anything else in his final days?
The parchments upon which God's word was written so he could
continue to study until his death. (2 Timothy 4:13). This should
serve as a lesson to all Christians.

Perhaps the most enjoyable reason to study the Bible (though it
takes the most work) is to read what the future has in store for us.
Remember, the Bible is a prophecy book and its predictions
concerning the fate of this planet and return of Christ have not
occurred yet! There are many people who think that just because a
little over 1900 years have elapsed since the last fulfilled
prophecy that those concerning the "last days" are not going to
occur. Actually they're wrong on one major count already. The nation
of Israel was founded in 1948, after being nonexistent since A.D.
70. The Bible predicted that Israel would become a nation again
before the Lord's return. There are many things going on in the
world today which are leading to the fulfillment of those final
prophecies. Many Christians feel we are fast approaching the day of
Christ's return. (Though no one knows exactly when that will be.)
Should we be scared? No way! After all, when you know how a book or
movie ends, it's easy to get through all the turmoil in between.
God's word (again!) tells us that we can rest easy, relying on the
sure word of Bible prophecy to get us through these trying times
(1 Peter 1:19).

If you are a true Christian, according to Christ's definition
(born again), then your life is dedicated to doing the Lord's will.
There should be no question, upon examining all the Bible passages
above, as to what His will is in regard to studying His word. If
reading the Bible is something you simply don't care to do, then
it's time to re-examine your supposed commitment. If you are really
a Christian then you possess the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit
does not contradict Himself. He doesn't have one man follow God's
will and another not do so. It may be time for you to have a long
talk with the Lord and make a real born again commitment to Him. If
you need help, you should find a Bible preaching Christian church
and make an appointment with a pastor, or some other elder,
knowledgeable in God's word. Remember to be careful where you
worship. It's not the name of the church, but what they preach that
counts! When you finally do become born again, you'll notice the
difference His Spirit makes within you. The hunger for His word
never ceases.
Bible Study
Bible Study
This issue features the first of a four-part series on the book of
Jonah. Future studies will include individual Psalms and books from
both the Old and New Covenants.

------------------------------------------------------------------

JONAH "A Story Of God's Love"

Chapter 1 "The First Call of Jonah"

God sometimes calls believers to serve Him in ways that may not
appeal to them. For example, maybe God has placed you in a job where
you are surrounded by unbelievers, a situation which may feel
uncomfortable at times. Christians may hesitate to serve because
they don't want to be inconvenienced, or because they have concerns
that seem valid. As part of the maturing process, God will call you
to serve Him in ways contrary to your desires.

This series is based on the adventures of an individual who,
although he was a God-fearing man, expressed reluctance to accept
God's mission. 

Here is Jonah, as seen by his psychologist in a biblical drama
written by William Backus:

"...'Mr. Jonah?'

His rough, homespun clothes and the greeting he grunted at me as he
rose from his chair told me he was from the country -- the backwoods
of the empire, more likely. And, as I turned to lead him back into
the consulting room, I noticed his skin: covered with white, flaky
blotches!

My first impression was of more white blotches. They covered his
face, arms and hands. What had caused them? I had never seen the
like. Behind the blotches was sunburn, from the bald patch on top
of his head down to the massive calves showing beneath his long
tunic. But more than his badly abused skin, I noticed at once what
counselors call 'the paranoid headlights' - the bulging eyes, open
so wide that the whites show all around the pupils." *

The previous account is the psychologist's initial impression of
Jonah during his first visit. During future sessions, he will
recognize that Jonah, as a follower of Yahweh, knows God's will, but
lives in direct rebellion against it. As you see God work in Jonah's
life, you will recognize and appreciate God's love and mercy. You
will see how His love will bless you as you deal with those you come
in contact with, especially people who seem unlovable. Just in
passing, it should be noted that some critics use the book of Jonah
to attack the Bible, calling this account a myth or a fairy tale.
They totally reject the reality of the great fish. In doing so, they
avoid the fact that God, and not the fish, is the focus of this
book.

However, there is one authority Who eliminates any question as to
its authenticity. As Messiah said, "For just as Jonah became a sign
to the Ninevites, so shall the Son of Man be to this generation."
(Luke 11:30) Because Jesus accepted the authenticity of Jonah, we
must do likewise. As inferred by His words, the book of Jonah
contains the only Old Testament picture of the Savior in the tomb.

The first question to ask is, "What was behind Jonah's rebellion
against God?" HALLEY'S BIBLE HANDBOOK points out what seems to be
his principle motive: "Nineveh was capital of the Assyrian Empire.
The Assyrian Empire was a World-Empire for about 300 years
(900-607 BC). It began its rise to world power about the time of the
Division of the Hebrew Kingdom at the close of Solomon's reign. It
gradually absorbed and destroyed the Northern Kingdom of Israel."

"Thus Jonah was called of God to prolong the life of the enemy
nation which was already in the process of exterminating his own
nation. No wonder he fled in the opposite direction, in patriotic
dread of a brutal and relentless military machine which was closing
in on God's people." **

Or as Jonah says in Backus' novel, "...I didn't want to come to
Nineveh to begin with. Assyria deserves to be --must be-- wiped out!
If you could only see what her armies have done in conquest and I
fear will do to my country. Why should I, a Jew, be forced to aid in
the rescue of such an instrument of evil? Yet I was forced to come.
Forced. I had to speak in the streets. My last hope was that they
would close their ears and die. 

Why did I come? He left me no choice." ***

JONAH'S CALL: Jonah 1:1-2 As the account opens, the Lord calls His
prophet Jonah with a commission. Scripture teaches a prophet to be
someone who tells forth the word of God. This may include a message
of things to come, but does not have to. In this case, the message
Jonah was to bring was God's cry against the great wickedness of
Nineveh.

Jonah realized if he brought God's word regarding imminent judgment,
there was the possibility the people would repent. This is seen from
his words in Chapter 4:2; "... I knew that you are a gracious and
compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who
relents from sending calamity." He would have been willing for God
to judge the nation, but he didn't want God to save it. By the way,
this seems illogical, for if the Ninevites were following Yahweh
(God), then what would the Hebrews have to fear?

1:3 So what was Jonah's response? He headed off in the opposite
direction, booking passage on a ship bound for Tarshish. Can you
imagine being a follower of the Lord, knowing His will and directly
acting against it? 

1:4-5a This passage tells of the first supernatural intervention of
the Lord in Jonah's life. God sent a great storm. It was so fierce
that it threatened to destroy the ship; so overwhelming, a group of
hardened sailors panicked. They called out to their numerous and
sundry gods to save them. Pragmatically, they also lightened the
load by throwing the cargo overboard.

1:5b And where was Jonah? Asleep in the bottom of the ship. 
Obviously, a person out of God's will is not always disturbed by a
bad conscience. Jonah, secure in his assumption that he was out of
God's reach, experienced the sleep of a relieved man. 

1:6-7 The captain, however, wanted Jonah awake and praying to his
deity. These sailors, being a superstitious lot, decided there was a
reason for the storm. They assumed someone on board must have
angered the gods, so they cast lots to identify the offender. And of
course the lot fell to Jonah.

1:8 With a curiosity born of fear, the men asked: "Who is this
person bringing the wrath of the gods down on us?" They needed to
know so they could placate the gods and end the storm. 

1:9-10 Jonah told them he was a Hebrew, a follower of Yahweh, the
Creator. In addition, he told them he was fleeing God. This
confirmed to the sailors that the storm had arisen because of
Jonah's actions.

1:12-13 At this point the storm became more violent. Jonah told the
sailors to throw him into the sea. Their response was to row towards
shore, striving to save themselves, the ship and Jonah. But God was
having none of this, for the sea became even stormier.

1:14 The sailors, having realized they couldn't make it to shore,
came to the conclusion they must cast Jonah overboard. But first,
they prayed to the one true God to forgive them. They recognized
Yahweh was responsible for the storm and did not want Him to punish
them for their actions. Because of Jonah's presence, they accepted
the reality of the Lord God. 

1:15-16 After they heaved Jonah overboard, the storm was stilled.
They offered up a sacrifice and made vows to the Lord. There is no
reason to question the sincerity of their offering or vows. It may
be that the sin of Jonah was used by the Lord to save this boatload
of sailors.

1:17 This next passage records the second supernatural intervention
in Jonah's life. God prepared a great fish, not a whale, but a
special creation that had one purpose: to swallow Jonah. (What
occurs in the fish's belly will be covered in the second article of
this series.)

OUR CALL: How do you respond to the call of God when He asks you
to undertake a task that goes against your better judgment? Jonah
thought he had good reasons for disobeying God. His rebellion was
a product of his comprehension of God's nature. The problem was, he
believed his view of the situation to be more important than God's
perspective.

The question you must ask yourselves is: "Do I trust God
implicitly?" Are you willing to exercise a faith that says you will
trust God without having any understanding of His motives? If you
are to walk as God expects, you must trust Him totally -- without
any reservations. Even if you find yourself in a painful situation,
you can be assured God is in charge. "And we know that in all things
God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called
according to his purpose." (Rom 8:28) As your trust in the Lord
grows, you will live more consistently within His will and mature
in your relationship with Him. You can choose to live this way if
you depend on the Holy Spirit to empower you... or you can choose to
be a Jonah.

Jonah's situation, as it impacted the men on the boat, illustrates
that rebellion against the Lord can affect not only the sinner, but
others around him. You are a witness to those around you, whether
families, friends, or neighbors. Families are destroyed by the
actions of believers involved in immorality, dishonesty, etc.
Christians live in a world where the quality of their walk not only
affects their relationship with God, but with others as well. And
because of this, God may chose to discipline believers for the sake
of others, as He did with Jonah. Christians are either positive or
negative witnesses for the Lord. Which will you be? A true follower
of God cannot remain a "couch potato". God blesses every Christian
with opportunities to serve Him in unique ministry situations. Pray
to be open to His leading.

"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who
delude themselves. For if any one is a hearer of the word and not a
doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror;
for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately
forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at
the perfect law, the law of liberty and abides by it, not having
become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man shall be
blessed in what he does." James 1: 22-25

 * THE PARANOID PROPHET, William Backus, Bethany House
Publishers, Minneapolis, Minnesota 1986, p. 15.

** HALLEY'S BIBLE HANDBOOK, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand
Rapids, Michigan 1965, p. 363.

*** Backus, pp. 42,43.
Special Studies
Special Studies
SPECIAL STUDIES

The Bible is an account of God's relationship to man, a covenant
relationship. We find this from the day of creation to the eternal
relationship we can have with the Messiah. This is the first of a
series of articles detailing the individual covenants found within
Scripture.

------------------------------------------------------------------

A COVENANT

God's relationship with humanity has been spelled out through a
number of individual covenants. His relationship with us today is
covenant. To understand what He wants of us, we have to understand
the parts, or constitution, of these covenants. This continuing
series on the covenants will follow the basic format found in this
introductory discussion.

The first item in any covenant is the wording. Since God's Word is
always truth and perfect, who better to draw up the language of the
covenant than Himself. In any man-made covenant (contract) at least
two of the signatories must agree on the meaning of the vocabulary.
God's wording is such that there is no question as to what it means.

The wording of the covenant shows blessings, i.e., those results
that are positive. It also shows cursings, i.e., those consequences
of not keeping the covenant. And it shows how long the covenant will
last. This revelation of God demonstrates that He lacks a hidden
agenda, that He is the Revealed Truth. His conditions are clear. He
will not change them to meet the changing whims of man.

Second, many of God's covenants have a pledge attached. The purpose
of the pledge is to confirm the conditions of the covenant. This
pledge is a solemn affirmation with an appeal to God for its truth.
We make so many promises in our lifetime, and have had so many
disappointments in people not keeping their word, that we need to
hear God tell us that He will not break His promises. God has bound
Himself to the fulfillment of these promises. This makes the
covenant irrevocable. God is revealed as unable to break a promise.

Third, there is the blood of the covenant. All covenants are viewed
as life and death commitments. A validation of the covenant always
involved bloodshed. We shall see this demonstrated in the specific
covenants. The sacrificial blood, used to make the covenant
official, represented the life commitment of those entering the
covenant. 

And finally there is the seal of the covenant. A seal is an ongoing
tangible witness to the sincerity, the veracity, of the covenant.
The seal serves as a reminder of the authenticity of the covenant
promises and terms.

Within any covenant that has been declared by God, there is found
one or more blessings. His creation hears, in His intention in
fulfilling His covenants, those aspects of His goodness and
benevolence. God is always on the side of Man, concerned for his
well-being.

HE IS REVEALED IN HIS FIRST COVENANT

When JEHOVAH-ELOHIM decided to make Man in a resemblance of His
image the first direct covenant was made. This covenant is
identifiable as the Edenic Covenant. (Gen. 1:26).

"And God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.
They shall rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the
cattle, the whole earth, and all the creeping things that creep on
earth.' And God created man in His image, in the image of God He
created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them and
God said to them, 'Be fertile and increase, fill the earth and
master it; and rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and
all the living things that creep on earth.' God said, 'See, I give
you every seed-bearing plant that is upon all the earth, and every
tree that has seed-bearing fruit; they shall be yours for food. And
to all the animals on land, to all the birds of the sky, and to
everything that creeps on earth, in which there is the breath of
life, [I give] all the green plants for food.'" Genesis 1: 26-30

The basic premise of the covenant was the involvement of the
creation of Man in God's image. By his obedience and faithfulness
Man holds a guarantee of dominion of all that he surveys.

"Covenant," according to Strong's Concordance, holds its definition
from the Hebrew word "Beriyth" as a "compact." The idea behind
compact is from the early custom of passing between pieces of flesh,
thus the implication of the thought of "cutting a covenant."
Gesenius additionally defines this word "as covenant, pact, or
compact" between men or between God and man. What is important to
recognize is that the covenant between God and man is as a Divine
ordinance complete with signs and pledges.

God proves to be the initiator when instituting a covenant. Any
time a covenant was needed between God and man He made the
presentation. Seeking Man's obedience to His will, God came to Man
declaring what He wanted. Man did not come to God in this fashion.

Man cannot change the contract of the covenant of God's will,
although he is free to accept or reject it. In actuality, the idea
of joint obligation is neither present nor stated. God declares His
obligation by His covenant(s) so "that the promise might be sure."

In the Edenic Covenant we find the unique fact that man was the
recipient but not its originator of the covenant. This further
illustrates God's desire and purpose that Man should be in covenant
relationship with Himself. There can be no relationship with God
apart from covenant. God was revealing Himself in the creation of
Man while simultaneously declaring His covenant purpose over Man.

In the Edenic Covenant God is first revealed in His declaration of
purpose in the creation of Man. JEHOVAH-ELOHIM created Man in His
image to show that the life of God is in the activity of His
thought, His feeling, and His will in the inward movement of His
being to execute His purposes. The moment "Our image ... Our
likeness" was created revealed the physical manifestation of the
Spiritual in the execution of His purpose.

In Genesis 3 is found the history of