To: alt.athiesm
From: "Rev. Will Cheatem, from the new PTL group 'Dewey, Cheatem & Howe'"
Subj: Bible Translations :> (0000.bblsmpl.rwc)
Date: unknown

Well, I've given up on the "Bobo the Clown Translation of _The Bible_
(Featuring the Word of God[tm])" (merely a short pamphlet, thus the quotes).
I've decided on a version of my own, picking up where _The Book_ left off.
I've come to the conclusion that we need a more simplified translation:


Genesis:
"See God.  God is good.  See God make the world.  Good, God, good.  God is
sleepy.  See God rest.  We want to be like God, don't we, boys and girls?
We should rest, too.

See God create Adam.  Poor Adam is lonely.  See Adam give God a rib.  See
God create Eve.  Good people wouldn't eat from the tree of knowledge, would
they, boys and girls?  See the snake.  Bad, snake, bad.  See the snake
talk to Eve.  See Eve eat the apple.  Bad, Eve, bad.  Women are bad, aren't
they, boys and girls?  See God punish Adam and Eve for breaking the rules."


John:
"See Jesus.  Jesus is the King of the Jews.  The Jews don't believe him.
Bad Jews.  See the Jews go to Hell.  See the Romans.  Bad Romans.  See
the Romans nail Jesus to a board.  Ouch, Jesus!  See Jesus die.  Poor
Jesus.  But look!  Three days go by, and Jesus is alive again!  Good
Jesus!  See Jesus take away all our sins.  We can do what we want to,
right boys and girls?"


I dunno, something seems missing.  Maybe a new modernized parable?

The Book of Falwell:
"See Jim Bakker.  Jim is a man of God.  Good, Jim, good.  See Jim with
a prostitute.  Bad, Jim, bad.  See Jim take money from little old ladies.
Poor little old ladies, they have nothing to eat!"

"See Dick.  Dick is a good Christian.  See Dick tell the non-believers
that they should be Christians, too.  See the non-believers slam the door
in Dick's face.  Bad, non-believers, bad.  That's OK, boys and girls,
the non-believers will go to Hell!  See Dick in Heaven.  See Dick get
an award for converting the most Christians!  Good, Dick, good!  We
want to be like Dick and get an award in Heaven, don't we boys and girls?"

Rev. Will Cheatem, from the new PTL group "Dewey, Cheatem & Howe"

Disclaimer: The file contained in the box above or displayed in a separate window from a link in the box above is NOT owned nor implied to be owned by BeYoND THe iLLuSioN. Most files at BeYoND THe iLLuSioN are originally from public Bulletin Board Systems (BBS) which were popular in the days before the Internet or from gopher, web, and FTP sites from the early days of the Internet which no longer exist today. Essentially, all files were acquired from the public domain in one for or another.

However, there have been occasions when copyright protected material has appeared on BeYoND THe iLLuSIoN without permission of the copyright holder. In these instances, we have and will continue to remove the copyright protected file as soon as it is brought to our attention. This can now be done using our Report Copyright Material form. Fill out the form, and the webmaster will be notified of the situation.

There are also times when files found on BeYoND THe iLLuSioN have a real home somewhere else on the Internet. In these instances, we will gladly replace the file with a link to its true home whenever it is brought to our attention. If you know of the true home of any of these files, you can use our Report Original URL form to bring it yo our attention.