The Lady's Maid
Mansfield

  E_l_e_v_e_n_ o_'_c_l_o_c_k_. A_ k_n_o_c_k_ a_t_ t_h_e_ d_o_o_r_.
...I hope I haven't disturbed you, madam. You
weren't asleep -- were you? But I've just given my lady her
tea, and there was such a nice cup over, I thought, perhaps...
...Not at all, madam. I always make a cup of tea last thing.
She drinks it in bed after her prayers to warm her up. I put the
kettle on when she kneels down and I say to it, "Now you
needn't be in too much of a hurry to say y_o_u_r_ prayers." But
it's always boiling before my lady is half through. You see,
madam, we know such a lot of people, and they've all got to
be prayed for -- every one. My lady keeps a list of the names in
a little red book. Oh dear! whenever someone new has been
to see us and my lady says afterwards, "Ellen, give me my little
red book," I feel quite wild, I do. "There's another," I think,
"keeping her out of her bed in all weathers." And she won't
have a cushion, you know, madam; she kneels on the hard
carpet. It fidgets me something dreadful to see her, knowing



her as I do. I've tried to cheat her; I've spread out the eiderdown.
But the first time I did it -- oh, she gave me such a look
 -- holy it was, madam. "Did our Lord have an eiderdown,
Ellen?" she said. But -- I was younger at that time -- I felt
inclined to say, "No, but our Lord wasn't your age, and He
didn't know what it was to have your lumbago." Wicked --
wasn't it? But she's t_o_o_ good, you know, madam. When I
tucked her up just now and seen -- saw her lying back, her
hands outside and her head on the pillow -- so pretty -- I couldn't
help thinking, "Now you look just like your dear mother when
I laid her out!"
...Yes, madam, it was all left to me. Oh, she did look sweet.
I did her hair, soft-like, round her forehead, all in dainty curls.
and just to one side of her neck I put a bunch of most beautiful
purple pansies. Those pansies made a picture of her, madam!
I shall never forget them. I thought to-night, when I looked
at my lady, "Now, if only the pansies was there no one could
tell the difference."
...Only the last year, madam. Only after she'd got a little
 -- well -- feeble as you might say. Of course, she was never
dangerous; she was the sweetest old lady. But how it took her
was -- she thought she'd lost something. She couldn't keep
still, she couldn't settle. All day long she'd be up and down,
up and down; you'd meet her everywhere -- on the stairs, in
the porch, making for the kitchen. And she'd look up at you,
and she'd say -- just like a child, "I've lost it; I've lost it."
"Come along," I'd say, "come along, and I"ll lay out your
patience for you." But she'd catch me by the hand -- I was a
favourite of hers -- and whisper, "Find it for me, Ellen. Find
it for me." Sad, wasn't it?
...No, she never recovered, madam. She had a stroke at
the end. Last words she ever said was -- very slow, "Look in
 -- the -- Look -- in -- " And she was gone.
...No, madam, I can't say I noticed it. Perhaps some girls.
But you see, it's like this, I've got nobody but my lady. My



mother died of consumption when I was four, and I lived with
my grandfather, who kept a hairdresser's shop. I used to spend
all my time in the shop under a table dressing my doll's hair --
copying the assistants, I suppose. They were ever so kind to
me. Used to make me little wigs, all colours, the latest fashions
and all. And there I'd sit all day, quiet as quiet -- the customers
never knew. Only now and again I'd take my peep from under
the tablecloth.
...But one day I managed to get a pair of scissors and --
would you believe it, madam? -- I cut off all my hair; snipped
it all off in bits, like the little monkey I was. Grandfather was
f_u_r_i_o_u_s_! He caught hold of the tongs -- I shall never forget it --
grabbed me by the hand and shut my fingers in them. "That'll
teach you!" he said. It was a fearful burn. I've got the mark
of it to-day.
...Well, you see, madam, he'd taken such pride in my hair.
He used to sit me up on the counter, before the customers
came, and do it something beautiful -- big, soft curls and waved
over the top. I remember the assistants standing round, and
me ever so solemn with the penny grandfather gave me to hold
while it was being done....But he always took the penny back
afterwards. Poor grandfather! Wild, he was, at the fright I'd
made of myself. But he frightened me that time. Do you know
what I did, madam? I ran away. Yes, I did, round the corners,
in and out, I don't know how far I didn't run. Oh, dear, I
must have looked a sight, with my hand rolled up in my pinny
and my hair sticking out. People must have laughed when they
saw me...
...No, madam, grandfather never got over it. He couldn't
bear the sight of me after. Couldn't eat his dinner, even, if I
was there. So my aunt took me. She was a cripple, an upholstress.
Tiny! She had to stand on the sofa when she wanted
to cut out the backs. And it was helping her I met my lady....
...Not so very, madam. I was thirteen, turned. And I
don't remember ever feeling -- well -- a child, as you might say.


You see there was my uniform, and one thing and another.
My lady put me in collars and cuffs from the first. Oh yes --
once I did! That was -- funny! It was like this. My lady
had her two little neices staying with her -- we were at Sheldon
at the time -- and there was a fair on the common.
  "Now, Ellen," she said, "I want you to take the two young
ladies for a ride on the donkeys." Off we went; solemn little
loves they were; each had a hand. But when we came to the
donkeys they were too shy to go on. So we stood and watched
instead. Beautiful those donkeys were! They were the first
I'd seen out of a cart -- for pleasure, as you might say. They
were a lovely silver-grey, with red saddles and blue bridles
and bells jing-a-jingling on their ears. And quite big girls --
older than me, even -- were riding them, ever so gay. Not at
all common. I don't mean, madam, just enjoying themselves.
And I don't know what it was, but the way the little feet went,
and the eyes -- so gentle -- and the soft ears -- made me want to
go on a donkey more than anything in the world!
...Of course, I couldn't. I had my young ladies. And what
would I have looked like perched up there in my uniform?
But all the rest of the day it was donkeys -- donkeys on the
brain with me. I felt I should have burst if I didn't tell someone;
and who was there to tell? But when I went to bed -- I was
sleeping in Mrs. James's bedroom, our cook that was, at the
time -- as soon as the light was out, there they were, my
donkeys, jingling along, with their neat little feet and sad eyes.
...Well, madam, would you believe it, I waited for a long time
and pretended to be asleep, and then suddenly I sat up and called
out as loud as I could, "I_ d_o_ w_a_n_t_ t_o_ g_o_ o_n_ a_
d_o_n_k_e_y_. I_ d_o_ w_a_n_t_ a
d_o_n_k_e_y_-r_i_d_e_!" You see, I had to say it, and I thought they
wouldn't laugh at me if they knew I was only dreaming. Awful
 -- wasn't it? Just what a silly child would think....
...No, madam, never now. Of course, I did think of it at
one time. But it wasn't to be. He had a little flower-shop
just down the road and across from where we was living.



Funny -- wasn't it? And me such a one for flowers. We were
having a lot of company at the time and I was in and out of the
shop more often than not, as the saying is. And Harry and I
(his name was Harry) got to quarrelling about how things
ought to be arranged -- and that began it. Flowers! you
wouldn't believe it, madam, the flowers he used to bring me.
He'd stop at nothing. It was lilies-of-the-valley more than
once, and I'm not exaggerating! Well, of course, we were
going to be married and live over the shop, and it was all going
to be just so, and I was to have the window to arrange....
Oh, how I've done that window of a Saturday! Not really,
of course, madam, just dreaming, as you might say. I've done
it for Christmas -- motto in holly, and all -- and I've had my
Easter lilies with a gorgeous star all daffodils in the middle.
I've hung -- well, that's enough of that. The day came he was
to call for me to choose the furniture. Shall I ever forget it?
It was a Tuesday. My lady wasn't quite herself that afternoon.
Not that she'd said anything, of course; she never does or will.
But I knew by the way that she kept wrapping herself up and
asking me if it was cold -- and her little nose looked...pinched.
I didn't like leaving her; I knew I'd be worrying all the time.
At last I asked her if she'd rather I put it off. "Oh no, Ellen,"
she said, "you mustn't mind about me. You mustn't disappoint
your young man." And so cheerful, you know, madam, never
thinking about herself. It made me feel worse than ever. I
began to wonder...then she dropped her handkerchief and
began to stoop down to pick it up herself -- a thing she never
did. "Whatever are you doing!" I cried, running to stop her.
"Well," she said, smiling, you know, madam, "I shall have to
begin to practise." Oh, it was all I could do not to burst out
crying. I went over to the dressing-table and made believe to
rub up the silver, and I couldn't keep myself in, and I asked her
if she'd rather I...didn't get married. "No, Ellen," she said
 -- that was her voice, madam, like I'm giving you -- "No, Ellen,
not for the w_i_d_e_ w_o_r_l_d_!" But while she said it, madam -- I was


looking in her glass; of course, she didn't know I could see
her -- she put her little hand on her heart just like her dear
mother used to, and lifted her eyes...Oh. m_a_d_a_m_!
  When Harry came I had his letters all ready, and the ring
and a ducky little brooch he'd given me -- a silver bird it was
with a chain in its beak, and on the end of the chain a heart
with a dagger. Quite the thing! I opened the door to him.
I never gave him time for a word. "There you are," I said.
"Take them all back," I said, "it's all over. I'm not going to
marry you," I said, "I can't leave my lady." White! he turned
as white as a woman. I had to slam the door, and there I stood,
all of a tremble, till I knew he had gone. When I opened the
door -- believe me or not, madam -- that man w_a_s_ gone! I ran
out into the road just as I was, in my apron and my house-shoes,
and there I stayed in the middle of the road...staring.
People must have laughed if they saw me...
..Good gracious! -- What's that? It's the clock striking!
And here I've been keeping you awake. Oh, madam,
you ought to have stopped me...Can I tuck in your feet?
I always tuck in my lady's feet, every night, just the same. And
she says, "Good night, Ellen. Sleep sound and wake early!"
I don't know what I should do if she didn't say that, now.
..Oh dear, I sometimes think...whatever should I do
if anything were to...But, there, thinking's no good to anyone
 -- is it, madam? Thinking won't help. Not that I do it often.
And if ever I do I pull myself up sharp, "Now then, Ellen. At
it again -- you silly girl! If you can't find anything better to
do than to start thinking...!"