From: David Weber 
Subject: [Illusions] gender stripping,oo,la,la
Date: 10 Jan 1999 15:23:16 -0500
To: illusions@bticc.net

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 Women speak in estrogen and men listen intestosterone
> >
> >
> >
> >  RELATIONSHIPS:
> >  When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her
> >  girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots".  Then
> >  she will get on with her life.
> >  A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
> >  break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just
> >  wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you,
> > and I hate
> >  you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's
> > always a
> >  chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You, I Love You" drunken
> > phone call
> >  and 99% of all men have made it at least once. There are community
> > colleges
> >  that offer courses to help men get over this need.
> >
> >  MATURITY:
> >  Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function
> >  as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and
> >  giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school
> > romances
> >  rarely work out.
> >
> >  MAGAZINES:
> >  Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.  Women's
> >  magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the
> > female
> >  body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy
> >  and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the
> > sight
> >  of a naked  woman's body.  Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
> >
> >  BATHROOMS:
> >  A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
> >  bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of
> >  items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to
> >  identify most of these items
> >
> >  GROCERIES:
> >  A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store
> >  and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge
> >  are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys
> > everything
> >  that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart
> >  is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of
> >  course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
> >
> >  CATS:
> >  Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking,
> >  men kick cats.
> >
> >  OFFSPRING:
> >  Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
> >  dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and
> >  favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely
> >  aware of some short people living in the house.
> >
> >  DRESSING UP:
> >  A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the
> >  garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
> > A man will dress up for:weddings, funerals.
> >
> >  LAUNDRY:
> >  Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of
> >  clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight
> >  years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of
> >  clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and
> > take his
> >  mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet
> > beautiful
> >  women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old
> >  American sitcoms.
> >
> >  EATING OUT:
> >  When the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20
> >  bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
> >  smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the
> >  girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
> >
> >  MIRRORS:
> >  Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are
> >  ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface:
> >  mirrors, spoons, store windows, Joe Garagiola's head.
> >
> >  MENOPAUSE:
> >  When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated
> >  emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree
> >  of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes
> > a
> >  uniform reaction-he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather
> >  driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
> >
> >  RICHARD GERE:
> >  Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate
> >  Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the
> >  health club and dates only married women.
> >
> >  MADONNA:
> >  Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.
> >
> >  TOYS:
> >  Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11
> >  or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with
> >  toys.  As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and
> > silly and
> >  impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones.
> >  Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that
> >  serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and
> >  requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
> >
> >  LOCKER ROOMS:
> >  In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and
> >  women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as
> > well as
> >  they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk
> >  about one thing in the locker : sex. And not in abstract terms, either.
> > They
> >  are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.
> >
> >  MOVIES:
> >  Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene.  This
> >  is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a
> >  man. Men will only show their asses, because ass size doesn't really
> > matter.
> >
> >  JEWELRY:
> >  Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing
> >  one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge
> >  singer named Ramone.
> >
> >  TIME:
> >  When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's
> >  using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just
> >  has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs,
> > commercials,
> >  or replays.
> >
> >  FRIENDS:
> >  Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy's night out
> >  say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos or
> >  Got any more beer?"
> >
> >  RESTROOMS:
> >  Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as
> >  social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other.
> >  Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old
> >  friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself
> >  from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a
> >  leak. Do you want to join me?"




 "To follow Knowledge like a sinking Star,Beyond the utmost bound of human
thought.........
 To Strive,To Seek,To Find and not to Yield."    Tennysons' Ulysses

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-=> Posted by:  David Weber  <=-