Xref: utu.fi alt.folklore.computers:3383 comp.software-eng:3183
Path: utu.fi!tut!sunic!mcsun!uunet!shelby!rutgers!ucsd!swrinde!emory!stiatl!tok
From: tok@stiatl.UUCP (Terry Kane)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers,comp.software-eng
Subject: Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy
Keywords: languages seatbelts
Message-ID: <10258@stiatl.UUCP>
Date: 28 Jun 90 12:46:37 GMT
Followup-To: alt.folklore.computers
Organization: Sales Technologies Inc.  Atlanta, Ga.
Lines: 68

There was a request in alt.folklore.computers for a reproduction of this
article, which I believe originally appeared in ACM Software Engineering
Notes.  I've seen the original, but a FOAF keyed it in retaining all credit
to the authors at the University of Waterloo, Canada - Daniel Salomon &
David Rosenbluth.  Cross posted to comp.software-eng for (^alt) types'
edification.
	Enjoy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy

	Daniel Salomon & David Rosenbluth
	Department of Computer Science, University of Waterloo
	Waterloo, Ontario, Canada N2L 3G1

    With such a large selection of programming languages it can be difficult
to choose one for a particular project.  Reading the manuals to evaluate the
languages is a time consuming process.  On the other hand, most people al-
ready have a fairly good idea of how various automobiles compare.  So in
order to assist those trying to choose a language, we have prepared a chart
that matches programming languages with comparable automobiles.

Assembler	A Formula I race car.  Very fast, but difficult to drive and
		expensive to maintain.
FORTRAN II	A Model T Ford.  Once it was king of the road.
FORTRAN IV	A Model A Ford.
fORTRAN 77	A six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and
		no seat belts.
COBOL		A delivery van.  It's bulky and ugly, but it does the work.
BASIC		A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched
		upholstery.  Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive.
		You'll ditch the car as soon as you can afford a new one.
PL/I		A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two-
		tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes,
		an fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.
C		A black Firebird, the all-macho car.  Comes with optional
		seat belts (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to
		assembler).
ALGOL 60	An Austin Mini.  Boy, that's a small car!
Pascal		A Volkswagen Beetle.  It's small but sturdy.  Was once popular
		with intellectuals.
Modula II	A Volkswagen Rabbit with a trailer hitch.
ALGOL 68	An Aston Martin.  An impressive car, but not just anyone can
		drive it.
LISP		An electric car.  It's simple but slow.  Seat belts are not
		available.
PROLOG/LUCID	Prototype concept-cars.
Maple/MACSYMA	All-terrain vehicles.
FORTH		A go-cart.
LOGO		A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce.  Comes with a real engine
		and a working horn.
APL		A double-decker bus.  It takes rows and columns of passengers
		to the same place all at the same time.  But, it drives only
		in reverse gear, and is instrumented in Greek.
Ada		An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car.  Power steering, power
		brakes and automatic transmission are all standard.  No other 
		colors or options are available.  If it's good enough for the
		generals, it's good enough for you.  Manufacturing delays due
		to difficulties reading the design specifications are start-
		ing to clear up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- 
Terry Kane                                             gatech!stiatl!tok
Sales Technologies, Inc
3399 Peachtree Rd, NE
Atlanta, GA  (404) 841-4000

Path: polaris.utu.fi!kontu.utu.fi!maehoenen
From: maehoenen@kontu.utu.fi (Markku A. M{h|nen)
Newsgroups: utu.hupa
Subject: V{hemm{n tunnettuja ohjelmointikieli{.
Message-ID: <1990Dec17.163604.36971@kontu.utu.fi>
Date: 17 Dec 90 16:36:04 EET
Distribution: utu
Organization: University of Turku
Lines: 63

Hupaa ei ole koskaan liikaa, joten olokeepa hyv{t.

/mam

----------------------------------------------------------------------

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10 -- SIMPLE

SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Language
Environment.  This language, developed at the Hanover College for
Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code
with errors in it.  The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN,
END and STOP.  No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make
a syntax error.  Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful.  Thus
they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without
the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #12 -- LITHP

This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of
an "S" in its character set; users must substitute "TH".  LITHP is said
to be useful in protheththing lithtth.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #13 -- SLOBOL

SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they
compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the
coffee.  Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom
sitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to
compile.  Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but
infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #17 -- SARTRE

	Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an
extremely unstructured language.  Statements in SARTRE have no purpose;
they just are.  Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own
functions.  SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are
no fun at parties.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18 -- FIFTH

FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types
refer to quantity.  The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and
JIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM and
BLOTTO.  Commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY,
CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND.

The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and
financial status of its users.  Commands in the ELITE dialect include
VSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH
and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers
who end up using this language.

THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #19 -- C-

This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.  C- is
best described as a "low-level" programming language.  In fact, the
language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code
statements to execute a given task.  In this respect, it is very
similar to COBOL.

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